Raphael expressed, to me, that my article on depression meant something to him. I was inspired to add to it with more recent understandings. Depression may be honed down to a squished self, hiding in the corner, afraid to say “Boo”. A person needs self expression to feel joy. A person needs self expression to touch other people. If one’s” fake” self touches other people, one feels lonelier with people than alone.People are like dogs in that we need to pig pile on top of each other, just as dogs do, but we are afraid to show it. If your real self is squished down in a ball, you cannot touch another person. This is the “lonely in a crowd” feeling.
How does one get oneself from a squished in the corner situation to an authentic one? I think I have found some answers. One must have an Enlightened Witness kind of person. I wrote an article on the Enlightened Witness. I found one. She is a gift from God of enormous proportions. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude to God and to her, that it is hard for me to put it in to words, but I will try. Alice Miller put forth the concept of an Enlightened Witness. Miller said that you need someone to walk by your side and help to bear your sorrow, if you are to heal deep pain. If not, it is too scary. The Enlightened Witness must listen only:NEVER give advice. Right there, it is very rare, almost unheard of. People, already, know the “advice” you will give, which is,usually, one platitude or another. Every hurting person has told himself all the platitudes a million times, to no avail. Do you think your one more platitude will make a difference? People give platitudes because they are out of touch with themselves. If I can offer one thing to people, it is to never give another platitude, again. Simply say, ” I can hear how you are hurting . I am by your side”
With your Enlightened Witness, you must bare your soul. You must say what is on your mind and in your heart. You must cry, as crying will empty out trauma. Talking will not. You can talk for a thousand years and never change. Talking comes from the left side of the brain. Trauma is stored in the right side. Your Enlightened Witness must allow you to talk, without interrupting, obviously. This is another rarity. A good listener is very rare. However, you must not feel rushed. You must feel the person cares. You must feel that you can take your time. You must feel that the person is wise, and the person must be wise. Most importantly, the person must be able to bear your trauma , without having to make you shut up because she is uncomfortable. This is the case,often, when one goes to a person for help. The person cannot bear your pain, so they offer a platitude or something of that nature, in order to push you away.The Enlightened Witness must have healed much of her own pain or she will push you away, subconsciously.
After you find your Enlightened Witness, you will have to open up your ability to cry, if it is shut down. This is an essential. Without it, there can be mo healing, in my opinion. The book “Cure By Crying” by Thomas Stone is phenomenal. It was out of print, when I got it. I spent quite a lot for a paperback, but it was worth it’s weight in gold. Think of the thousands spent on worthless, useless therapy. I hope this book comes back, in print. I know that it has a cult following, so perhaps it will. After these 2 steps, you WILL start to feel better. You will know that someone is in your corner. You will not feel all alone. You will know that you can screw up and bring it to someone and leave it there. Your tears, in this person’s presence, will wash away your pain. This is worth more than gold.Look at the many famous people who die because of things such as self hatred and loneliness, which are the roots of self destructive behavior, in my opinion.
When you start feeling a little better, endeavor to force yourself to bare your real feelings. You will never get rid of depression if you are hiding behind a mask. This is the REASON you are depressed. To get rid of depression, one must be able to take off the mask. I am not saying to pour your heart and soul out to everyone and every place. That would not be wise. God is a God of wisdom. If you study the Bible, you will see that wisdom is one of the most coveted traits. Hence, one must use wisdom when employing these strategies. However, one must find the ability to be authentic, as a general way of being, not hiding behind a mask of perfection or political correctness.
Perhaps, the most radical part of this is to draw the pain inward, as if you are sucking on a straw. People run from pain because it hurts and it is scary. However, if you apply homeopathy to emotions, you will see that depression is the body trying to heal. It is a symptom and not the root problem. The root problem is the pain from not being authentic, in large part. If you think about it, it makes sense because no amount of running away ever makes it better, long term. Your depression is part of you.It is there for a reason. It is trying to get your attention, through pain. Force yourself to feel it. Find someone with whom you can talk. Cry, cry, cry. You will feel clean, as if you took a shower. A little pain will have emptied from your pain tank. You will need to do this, for as long as necessary, depending on the degree of trauma you endured.Last, but certainly not least, is to help someone. Try not to ask for anything back.God promises to water us, when we water others. If you are really depressed and feel you cannot go on, find someone to whom you can give comfort and the warmth you want. Giving that to someone else will ease your pain.
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