As I do readings, I have the honor of being taught by the wonderful people who trust me enough to open up. It is a sacred honor. I am starting to see themes in the people who have enough pain to call on someone like me.One theme is the person telling himself over and over to “get over it”. He will tell me that he should be over it. He will tell me that he doesn’t want to be a baby. He will be embarrassed for what he thinks is whining. However, he will be relieved when I tell him that he can never get over it that way. He will be surprised but always relieved. Think about it logically. We all would be bastions of mental health if that worked. Put all the sayings”It happened a long time ago, get over it. Don’t be a baby. Forget the past. Move on. Why are you wasting your life pining over the past etc etc” in a box and throw away the key. You get the point. If platitudes worked, I would embrace them. What is the answer if we must jettison platitudes? The answer is to understand from where the pain coming. If a person is in emotional pain, it is not enough to sprinkle a few platitudes and walk away. If you have nothing to say beyond platitudes, say that you are sorry for their pain. That, at least, has an element of authenticity.
If we have to throw away platitudes, what are we to do? A person must listen to what his inner child is saying. The inner child WILL rule the adult. One may seem to get beyond it in casual encounters. However, in intimate relationships the inner child will not allow you to spray perfume on it and expect it to sit with the grown ups. It may sit there initially but when you turn your back it will be laughing raucously or mocking someone’s grandmother. The point it you cannot shove it away and don an Armani suit with perfectly coiffed hair. It will fly out when you least expect . That is the nature of one’s inner child and not unique to you. If your inner child is tied to the bedpost, he will make himself known as he is screaming for you to see him. He will not stay down, so what is one to do? One must honor him. We probably hate him but we know we can’t push him away. Check out your failed relationships and you will see him sticking out his proverbial tongue. You did not want to make that same mistake for the hundredth time but you made it anyway. For practical information, I look to Alice Miller, the foremost authority on child abuse. That would be a good start. I will try to link her site.