I think people need to know why certain aspects in the synastry chart can lead to abuse. I will try to explain some of these to you. People seem really interested in this topic with good reason. One can save oneself a lot of heartache with a little foreknowledge. In my own case, I would never enter into any permanent relationship in which the chart shows abuse.
1. Nessus
The first asteroid one must consider is the asteroid of abuse, which is Nessus. Remember that asteroids much have close orbs. I use up to three degrees in a conjunction and two degrees in other aspects. The Nessus person will be the stronger person except in cases of Pluto, in which the power would be balanced. In the case of the Sun and Mars, the planet person will fight back but the Nessus person will, likely, be stronger. In the case of the Moon, the angles( Ascendant, IC, Descendant and MC), the North Node, the South Node and Venus, the Nessus person will overpower the other person.
If one is the Nessus person, one will know that one does really wield the power in the relationship. It is an inner knowing. If one is the planet person, one will feel uneasy with the Nessus person, although this may not be a conscious awareness.
A Nessus relationship can last. In fact, the Nessus person could be abused in some situations and not really fight back. This would be the case with a wife who chooses to stay with an abusive husband, a child who cannot fight a parent or a person who has an abusive boss. However, if the Nessus person ever does find his power, he will usually exact revenge on the person who abused him. I am just being real here. I know many people want fairy tales but I don’t do that.
2.Dejanira
This is the victim asteroid. If this asteroid conjuncts any personal part of the chart of a native such as the Sun, Ascendant, Moon, Venus etc, that person will tend to be victimized. It is a deep and subconscious manner of seeing oneself as a victim in relationship to others. The Dejanira native is not usually aware of this. Someone with a prominent Dejanira may be strong due to other factors such as a strong Pluto. In this case, the person can be both the victim and someone who fights back. Patsy Ramsey had Sun conjunct Dejanira and Nessus conjunct the Ascendant, so she could be both a victim and an abuser. One would need to have as astrologer, who was honest *cough* study the entire chart. An astrologer can weigh all of the aspects and come up with a practical picture of the person.
In synastry, if one person has a strong Dejanira and an otherwise weak chart and meets up with a strong Nessus person, there will be an abuse problem. It usually is not evident at first. In fact, the attraction is phenomenal at first. However, with Nessus and Dejanira, believe me, all good things must come to an end. Enjoy it while you are hanging from the chandelier in sexual passion because the next day, you may be calling the cops for a restraining order.
3. Mars Square Pluto
This aspect in synastry is pure passion but the passion gets too intense and abuse may result. I would say that this is a violence aspect. I cannot say all relationships will have bodily violence but there will be emotional abuse. Pluto is the stronger but Mars is a good fighter and will not take abuse lying down, so to speak. Hence, the problem.
4. Saturn–Cold Abuse
I cannot say Saturn is overt abuse. However, in conjunction, oppositions and squares, the Saturn person may be so annoying and critical that the other person would want to slug them. Saturn is the critical parent. If Saturn conjuncts Mars in synastry, the Saturn will criticize and diminish the goals and desires of the Mars person. Sexually, the Saturn person could make sex a joyless chore.In the case of Venus/Saturn in conjunction or hard aspect, the Saturn person could be very critical of the appearance of the Venus person or of the mannerisms of the Venus person. I could write several pages on Saturn, in general, but with Saturn in hard aspect,which includes several Saturn conjunctions, think of cold water thrown in your face or a mosquito buzzing at your face in a tent. However, in trine and in certain conjunctions, such as Saturn conjunct the North Node, the Saturn could be a benevolent parent. Saturn in good aspect can be a glue for the relationship.
5. Neptune/Venus in Hard Aspect or Conjunction
The only Neptune/Venus aspect that is not dangerous is the trine. The trine infuses a rosy glow to the relationship without the blindness and distortions that come with the hard aspects. Neptune in hard aspect and conjunction brings BLINDNESS. It does not bring abuse, per se. It makes one truly unable to see the other person for who he/she is. I had this with someone. It was the opposition. I made such a complete fool of myself because I could not see the obvious frog in the pretended prince. I could not help it. It is that simple. So, if you have this aspect, please get advice from others before you marry. If everyone but you sees the frog, trust them!!
Hi Ami, can you somehow look into the charts? My partner now was talking down at me the last few days and i said i dont want to hear it, he demanded me to make him feel as king. He complained about his former relationships that there wasnt much love, but i was surprised how cold he can turn. He just left situations or lied as he pleases. Im not gonna lie it does get to me and doubt myself. He has venus sextile saturn. When you hear him talk, its never him, the blame is on others. I still have periods i cry over what he had done and then i dont feel like connecting. I cant help but think i deserve better then this but im struggling with my ptsd (which i got due to not feeling safe around him).
My nn hits his nessus.
He will bring you abuse with the NN and Nessus. I would need to do a chart for you to study it, my Friend but I can tell it is bad just by what you say and I don’t think it will improve
From all you have told me, this relationship is pretty awful. My honest opinion is that you are in real denial and no matter if I do a chart for you or not, your denial of the truth of this relationship is the issue. I say this with love!
Thank you Ami, im not in denial im very aware of it. But somehow i still have to live with the choices beeing made. He is the father of our child. I was hoping you could inform me on how to communicate with him, and if my research on him is correct.
My downfall is my sun in 7th i can do everything for my partner and need to focus more on myself. Uranus is now transiting in my 7th. He has that in draconic. Feeling detached..
I get in this situation when I do charts. The chart is obvious. I have to say that and you know it. But the person wants to know how to manage it. There is NO way to manage it will. It is like having some one beat you in the head every night and going to the doctor and saying how can I manage my headache. You can’t
Hi Amiann, thank you again for such informative work. In my studies, I came across an aspect that someone I am interested in has natally. Nessus conjunct Nemesis in the 3rd house. How can this possibly present itself?
Thank YOU for appreciating me, Angie! Well, this is a rather small aspect. If either of these aspected a planet or an angle, it would be a whole different thing but asteroid to asteroid, I usually ignore
Also connected to the topic, Is a relationship that has Nessus(male) conjunct Chiron(female) set up for painful experiences? This energy falls in the 12th house sign Gemini. I have yet to find much information on Nessus and Chiron aspects in synastry.
I had that with my father and its very abusive. I have it in 7th house where my sun is too.
My dad wanted to toughen me up. Sometimes it got physical.
12th house maybe in secret/ bedroom or unconsciously.
This is all real stiff and it SHAPED you through no fault of your own. You are in a crazy relationship and likely it is you that engineered all of it as ALL of us do. It seems to be our curse when we are in the world. I have made a million mistakes and I could not help them. My only real answer to any chart issue and most people don’t like it or want it is a relationship with Jesus
I engineerd it? I have dejanira in pisces 4th house. Yes it shaped me. Why.. a father daughter relationship should be good. I only understood my father more after digging into astrology. As my partner had abuse in his house too, nessus 4th house, we talked about it. As i send you an email with my details you can see i have chiron (7th) sextile nessus (9th), throughout my life i didnt understand so much suffering in the world, now i know better. Guess i have to learn it. People only abuse if they want something of you or can overpower you with their needs and wants. If 1 is mature enough nessus can be awareness. Jesus said keep your enemies closer. You learn a lot from them.
Nessus can mean a necessity too.
. I am sure there are other astrologers who would see it differently
Quote= There have been very few investigations into the astrological significance of Nessus. Owing to the fact that its own orbit connects those of Saturn and Pluto it is by analogy the centaur most closely connected with Plutonian themes such as power, guilt, revenge, repentance and redemption. No figure in the myth remains innocent: Not Heracles, who was fleeing because he had killed, not Nessos, because he tried to rape Heracles’ wife, and not Deianeira whose jealousy led to the unintentional death of her husband. In this sense the message of the myth is to distance oneself from accusations of guilt. Unethical behaviour is not limited to others. No-one can absolve himself completely. Whoever takes it upon himself to judge ends up in harming others. In order to be absolved of any guilt one must accept it and do penitence. Only then comes redemption.
Many astrologers don’t see Nessus as I do. People can get second opinions, so to speak, in astrology just like in medicine
TERRIBLE and will end bad. Kiss of death it is is close 1-3
Hi,
I have Nessus conjunct Sun (Gemini) within 2 degrees and my dad (Taurus) has the same conjunction within 3 degrees. He also has Pluto square Mars. I have a good relationship with him and I always have. Another person that I’m close to who is still young, has Sun/Nessus conjunction (Aquarius) too and she is powerful but also very sweet. I can understand the meaning of Nessus (and Pluto) yes but absolutely not in a way of disaster. I think Dejanira flies a little too much under the radar.
YOU are strong so abusive people know not to mess with you. So, your chart was needed for you!
Hi and txs for respons!
Both me and my father and the little girl have been abused in different ways. We are all Plutonians (and Nessusians:) though and you are right, we can fight back.
Hi Ami,
Where is best to contact you? I have a synastry and composite chart Im trying to figure out. Ive put in most love asteroids and nessus and dejanira. their valentine conjuncts my ASC but their dejanira also conjunct my SUN/MC in 8th house 🙁
That is so funny because I take breaks due to this being a passion not something I need to do for financial reasons.Then I miss doing charts and ask God to send me the right person for me to help and shortly after( in this case an hour) someone requests a chart lol. I think we are supposed to do it. You can contact me here
morelove@mychristianpsychic.com
Wow. I hope this is a good sign? I’ve been meaning to contact you for a while. Shall I email you?
I answered
Hi Ami, I am looking at the synastry chart between my father and I. Am wondering your opinion on some aspects and what kind of abuse, if any, they signal to you.
My NN exact conjunct his Nessus at 8 deg Gemini.
His moon 12 deg Libra, my Sado 11 deg Libra (my mars is also at 14 deg Libra)
His Dejanira 2 deg Scorpio, my venus 3 deg Scorpio
I natally have a moon-saturn opposition, 2 degree orb, and so does he at a 5 degree orb. His sun is 1 degree Aquarius. His venus is conjunct my moon however at a 3 degree orb. Just some background info. I really try to love him with all my heart, but due to past traumas I find myself feeling a lot of resentment towards him, and I wish I didn’t feel like this.
This would need a whole chart, my Friend. I am not trying to get money from you. I don’t do that. But,this would take too long to do on here
I would need to do a chart for a complex question like this, my Friend
Thank you Ami. I will order one soon.
I will be excited to do it, V!
What if it’s your Nessus conjunct their Nessus?
This is the case for people born close in time so nothing really
Also if you say that Nessus conjunctions need to be either 2 or 3 degrees to be counted, so if there’s a conjunctions but it’s more than 2 or 3 degrees, does that mean it’ll be ok?
Yes, I allow 4 sometimes but yes, generally Amber