This is not really written in an angry or belittling way, although I am angry due to having a very close relative with this condition. The pain of being a child and dealing with someone with MN is horrible. Words cannot describe the desolation of having to look in the face of a parent with no empathy. As a child, you know you are in “big trouble” and no one will come to save you, in most cases.
In my case, no one would tell me the truth. Maybe, people did not know. My father was very weak, as most spouses of the MN are. For some reason, there are men, such as my father and as Harry, who are successful in the business world, or in the case of Harry, born into a high position, who desire to be ruled by an abuser. For some reason, this is “normal” to spouses of the MN. Of course, something is wrong with the person married to the MN.
The spouse of the MN may show love to the children, as my father did to me. He was a kind person, although not protecting his children kind of makes that label a little strange.Harry seems like a person with empathy, a somewhat normal person, we can say. However, the MN breaks all the toys in the room, the “toys” being people, of course. The MN will destroy the majority of people in her circle. However, there are, always, a few to whom she shows a different face, a good face, even a perfect face. These people defend her. These people are there to deny the reality of the majority of her circle, who have seen her real face. The existence of the “flying monkeys”, the defenders of the MN, makes it very hard for her victims to trust themselves.
Understanding her real face is very hard. Most children of the MN are permanently damaged. The reason is that they are gaslighted to such a degree that they do not know their own reality. When they are young, they will be severely punished if they show a reality different than the MN. In time, they cannot see reality as it is. They, usually, have PTSD from having to endure the unremitting level of stress that comes from living with a MN. It is like a literal war zone. At any moment, the MN may go into a rage and hurt you.
Honestly, I have spent a lifetime trying to understand my mother. I never could. Could she help it? Did she like to hurt me? Did she like to see me suffer? DID SHE DO IT ON PURPOSE? Meghan has helped me to answer these questions. I truly could not understand MN before observing her. I do understand it now to a large degree, not perfectly. I will try to help you to understand it, too. This should help if your parent is an MN. I think it is worse for those with parents than spouses. However, we, often, marry spouse with MN or Narcissism to a lesser degree. Not all Narcissists are MNs. The MNs are the very worst of the Narcissists.
A major trait of an MN is lack of empathy.However, they do fake empathy, so many people outside their inner circle cannot see their lack of empathy. The Narcissist who is not Malignant will have some dampening of empathy, but not a complete lack. The saving grace for the children of the MN is that they do have shame. If they did not have empathy OR shame, they would be sociopaths. I don’t think I could have recovered from a sociopath mother. I know some people do, but I don’t think I could have.
The MN has a great deal of shame. It is pathological shame. They berate themselves for not being perfect. They have to be perfect any anything they do. Their children have to be perfect, as well. The result of their impossible desire to be perfect is that they construct a false face. This face IS perfect. This face is the “Markle Sparkle”. The person is not trying to “fake anyone out”. This person is running a way from a teeny, tiny sense of self that tells them they are despicable and horrible. The inner voice of an MN is terribly abusive to them. However, that is the voice they use on their children and their spouses.
With a spouse, there is an initial period of “love bombing”. The sociopath does this, too. The person who is love bombed feels wonderful. The person who is loved bombed feels euphoric. They think this state will go on forever. However, on the other side of love bombing is devaluation. Devaluation is so terribly painful, especially for a child. The child can never be perfect, but that is the expectation. The mother hates the child for failing her. The child knows she is hated and she hates herself. She thinks it is her fault that her mother is “acting this way”. I hope this article touches all the people who blame themselves.
The natural reaction is to want to “get back” at the MN for making you suffer. Actually, if you read the comments on any U Tube video of Meghan Markle, you can see the pure hatred toward her. I think a big part of this is from people who had MN abuse them. However, even if one never knew an MN, the MN engenders rage in other people.
The reason is because the MN thinks she is smarter than other people.People feel the arrogance leveled at them and hate the MN for it. In the case of Meghan, she is an emotional idiot. Many MNs are smart intellectually, and Meghan seems to be such. However, they have the emotional intelligence of a four year old. In fact, when my children were about this age, I realized that they had more empathy than my mother(black humor *Sigh*) A dog has much more empathy than an MN.I know this sounds funny, but it is not a joke. Maybe, that is why many children of MNs love dogs.
The MN makes many blunders as a result of over estimating her own intelligence and underestimating the intelligence of everyone else. Meghan has made so many blunders that I do not know where to begin. I will take the recent court case. She, likely, gave copies of her letter to her father to five friends to leak to “People” magazine. However, Meghan is bringing a lawsuit against a paper saying they abused her by publishing her letter. I doubt her five friends will lie for her( and go to jail for it a la Martha Stewart, as this was her crime) Hence, Meghan will be publicly humiliated. This trial is just beginning, so some of these are my educated suppositions. However, there are dozens of stories about Meghan’s emotional retardation and that is my larger point.
I will give one example of emotional retardation. Meghan was not pregnant. She used a surrogate. A little common sense and a study of the U Tube videos of her pregnancy will show you this fact. In one video, the bump is shaking like jelly. In several pictures taken on the same day, within a several house time lapse,the bump has moved from a normal place to almost her very, lower abdomen. It has moved about six or more inches. In other pictures taken days apart, the bump is small in some, medium in others and HUGE in others. Also, when she is nine months pregnant, she bends down and pats a dog and gets up quickly with no help. This is close to impossible for a pregnant women at this stage. However, Meghan was to be “better than anyone else”. She is the rare pregnant woman who can wear three inch( or more) heels and bend up and down. The MN always has to be the best, a trait I did not explore here.
There is nothing wrong with a surrogate, but in the MN’s mind, it makes her “less than perfect”. Meghan seemed to hate Kate because she, likely, saw Kate as perfect.The MNs do see selected people as perfect. The MN hates these people in a morbid and destructive way, another trait I did not explore.Meghan sent Kate a knife for a present.
I want to end by completing the topic of Meghan’s emotional retardation, as manifested by her “pregnancy”. No one who is emotionally intelligent would FLAUNT that fake bump. Someone could wear one, as I am told Amal Clooney did, but I do not know this for sure, but to FLAUNT it with the skin tight dresses and the ridiculous gymnastics is classic for an MN. They have to be perfect, they have to be better than anyone and they think you are too dumb to see through it all. This is why they are hated.( There are more reasons, but that is for another day).
I love you all and I especially love the people who understand what I am saying, as a result of being there i.e, living it.
Totally get it Amiann, it’s a circus. One that takes a long time to wake up from. Big hugs
I love you, Marie. You are so kind! xoxo
It sounds like we have very similar mothers. Mine was married five times and left each man destroyed financially and probably emotionally. She had borderline personality disorder and histrionics and I’m pretty sure had this malignant narcissist. She was in Mensa so very intelligent. She could really manipulate. I grew up very streetsmart and I feel like she’s the reason for that. Survival of the fittest. And I think I was doing all the laundry and dishes and housework by the time I was seven. I remember doing some of it at five. When she would have dates I was to have the coffee made and serve them upon their arrival. They were always very impressed with me. Anytime I got birthday money growing up she took it. And she was never on time for anything. We were late to school so much we spent first. In the principals office and she still didn’t get us theee on time. We were not in the district and she lied about it so we could just take a bus or walk and get ourselves there or we would have. It’s hard to explain these things to people who haven’t lived with it. I know we could each write a book about it. But I can relate very much to what I see of your writings. Harry will be destroyed when this is done. I feel for him. I have an Aries moon which helped me to stand up to my mother. Thank God! lol
Thank you so much for being here. I am honored Amy. Yes, aspects for resilience really help! xoxoxo
My angelic mom passed from Cancer when i was 9. Then my beloved nanny(grandma) raised me until she passed i was 18. Sheltered and naive, never been on my own, my aunt took me in.
THANK GOD FOR MY CAPRICORN MOON
(in the4thHouse/ Cjnct S.Node)
My Aunt.
The Evil Stepmother to my Cinderella. With her 2 sons (they were treated much better than I)
For ten yrs, brainwashed me into thinking if i ever moved out, i would die in a gutter somewhere. She just wanted to take all my money (i was working). I gave it, hoping to get love in return. And feel part of family unit. She never laid a hand on me, but she didn’t have to. Almost wish she would’ve instead, the physical’s much easier to heal. I met my knight, he got me out of there within 3 months of my Saturn Return beginning.
Him & i stayed together 7.5 yrs (saturn cycle?)…turns out it was Aluminum Foil; not Shining Armor, as he left me for my friend when HIS Saturn return began. But, hindsight, he saved me from Aunt and we have 2 beautiful daughters.
Ironic=he despised my aunt. Vice versa. They each called the other a Narcissist.
His moon? 5° Scorpio
Aunt’s sun? 5° Scorpio (in MY natal2ndHouse; she has Gemini moon)
Her moon conjuncts my venus. I just wanted her love. Not realizing her incapable of that.
My aunt was EXTREMELY SPOILED by her father, only to be devastated he passed when she was 22. Her mother told her growing up how having her @age 40 made her really sick. So my aunt felt unwanted? There’s my empathy. Trying to understand why hurt ppl HURT PEOPLE.
Bless you, Ami. I’m so sorry about your son. Xxxxx
As for Markle, she’s a piece of work, ehh
I think Prince Harry is a lost soul, he is very insecure, not very bright and has low self esteem. Coming from divorced parents myself – it is a wound that never heals and leaves you feeling very confused. When your don’t have a model of a functioning relationship – there’s a lot of hard lessons coming your way! And trauma of divorce at a young age is quite hard – then your mother dies in a very traumatic way – you’re going to be fooled by a MN who comes rushing into your life to show you love and devotion (with ulterior wicked intentions). Both Meghan and Harry are lost souls – doesn’t make for a healthy relationship – the burden of holding each other up whilst trying to manage your own broken self will be too much to bare in the end.
Brilliant post. Thank you Amy!
You’re very welcome. Life lessons have grown us to where we are today.
<3
Are you saying that because she is a leo? Especially in the first house..
I would like to know how you see it.
One aspect does not make or break something, my Friend.
Thats why im asking you where you base it on?
You do see what you write, right?
Copy: The MNs do see selected people as perfect. The MN hates these people in a morbid and destructive way, another trait I did not explore.
* you are now with Meghan.
Dont misunderstand me, i also use astrology to be a witness or my bible, maybe when i feel lost, or “eat” of the tree of knowledge.
You know her saturn conjunct moon makes you reflect right? (Trick of satan maybe) https://kabbalah.com/en/articles/is-satan-real/
Eventho my parents had moments of narcissm and my sister going along with the hype and remind me of those times, i let go, we can all be selfish creatures.
We ought to forgive our parents sometimes they do not know better.
Media is stage world, reflections of shining ego’s that come and go..
Dont forget saturn rules the 10th house.
I don’t understand your question, Bonnie. I base the MN thing on her behavior more than her chart because I think it cannot totally be seen in a chart
I wonder if my half sisters mother is a… well something in this area. There is something clearly wrong there but I simply don’t have the resources or access to change the situation. But my sister simply studies a bit too hard and doesn’t laugh. This woman is an extreme nag and I have seen her get in these rages – which were about absolutely minor things and that lasted for several months. I wonder if my sister is being used as a tool for this womans personal image – but – the good side is potentially if my sister does get the grades… She will be able to go to university and escape her mother.
Me and hr both have Sphinx in exactly the same position visually in the chart. At the top point and with an aspect to the ascendant and nothing else.
It’s sad I suppose you are trying to figure out these peoples motivations. The reason I became interested in the narcissist is to spot them in the real world and I experienced long term mind games from a girl at a workplace and every time I hear the narcissist described it fits her behaviours. Like hers and no one else almost I have ever met. Triangulation and the rest of it just fits so perfectly and even in this article your description of it is that they do not see consequences. In this workplace I wrote a message to this woman and told her that her keeping on arranging work parties and making sure everyone was invited but me was becoming intolerable (had been going on for two years since the day I started) and that I would leave if she did it again. She went to the manager and complained, whom then ‘apologised on my behalf’ to this psycho (after berrating me) and went ahead and did the party. When I left she gave me this look like a wounded animal. It was long term and intense like you say… a four year old child who has been told Santa doesn’t exist. My impression was that she was using a form of future faking with the social group like ‘We won’t invite him to this event but will arrange one for next week/ month’ … for two years! Low IQ points there for monkeys but when people figured out what was going on PLUS there was no option for future faking people actually might turn against her, even if only with passive aggression. But of course the main way they do that is by leaving… And she endures. Ready for her next supply to come in through those doors.
Like I don’t care what her motivations are or indeed that of anyone that worked there. I’m not looking for an apology because I have observed apologies are simply how one animal declares dominant power over another; I have seen it perhaps once or twice used in the place of an actual explanation of guilt. Mostly it is used by people who go on to do the exact same thing afterward or demanded by people who do not forgive and are not capable of it (SJW’s!). As far as I am aware
In my mind this demonic sack of crap (the one I referred to not Meghan) lives in a hell dimension that I would not want to visit, no more than I would want to observe a room of human trafficking victims who had been living in cages if I could not then free them or otherwise positively influence the situation. I don’t care what she thinks or feels about these situations, I don’t care to understand her or if the long term mind game was that she was destroying her competition and hoped to claim me in a relationship capacity, that she was taking revenge against management, that she is perhaps being abused? or that she simply enjoyed harming everyone in the business (this kind of thing did not just effect me!)
I suspect the flying monkeys really regretted taking her side when I left because after that there was no one to actually oppose this woman. Like I had the social skills, determination and charm to do that. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke weed, I don’t have casual sex, I read all the time, I go to the gym when circumstances suit like they did in this office job, I look for ways to improve myself! If someone starts a fight with me I will not let it go but other people do, they make concessions. I tried to get people I was friendly with there to leave but they did not do it and barring some huge shift in the world/ economy, she will win. They will not, she will. Perhaps she already has.
Had a friend that was more of an overt narc though I’d like to set her up with! Guy is a nightmare. Extremely muscular, cheats, doesn’t support someone when they’re down, always considers himself morally better than everyone else. They would be perfect for each other!
Narcs are dumb when their pathetic ego drives their actions. It always gives them away. Thank God. Just reread this Ami, it’s a great article. I understand how MN has affected me so much deeper than when I first read it. It’s hard to understand or accept that people hurt others on purpose in this manner. Sure we get angry or careless but the MN sets out to hurt then sits back and gloats. We know this deep down. But we, with our entrenched shame from childhood will never know this superficial spite.
As one of the other comments said, we all know a MM and when she gets it, it is like our person gets it lol
I think the reason why MM is hated so much is not only did she manipulate dumb Harry and try to ruin the royal family.. i think everyone can identify with someone in their lives who is a Megan Markle, that’s why she strikes such a cord. I have so many narcs in my family… it is VERY tough.
WOW Amy. Great post and so true. The same with Amber!
Oh YES, definitely same with Amber!