This is a strange title but it all relates. I bet you will be able to relate, too, whether it be headaches, addictions or guilt. I stuffed my emotions into my stomach. One can look at medical Astrology to see where one stuffs one’s feelings. They will go somewhere. Energy does not dissipate. It goes underground to emerge as something else, often illness.
For me, I had to try to stay safe as a child. I was trying to stay safe from going insane. I had a lot of anger due to abuse but I could not show it. I am not alone in this. I am a Mars and Moon in Cancer. The sign of Cancer rules the stomach. Hence, the likely place for my suppressed emotions was the stomach. I accepted that I would have stomach aches all the time. However, my latest go around with the Mal Narc showed me yet another layer of myself.
It showed me how I stuff my anger into my stomach. I stuff everything that may make people angry at me into my stomach.
I will be back
I can see what you’re saying. I have been prey to digestive difficulties my entire life.
Most were lower then my stomach in the intestines.
I was always a compulsive eater. I took more in, then I could get out. I’ve lost a few teeth,
but like my late mother, I just ignore health difficulties.
I had a minor stroke a while ago, and didn’t seek help for it at all. What for? I’m only taking
up space on the earth.
Wow, Lon. God needs you, though. You don’t see that. I love having you here. My English Prof client even knows you! You are an important part of this website, Lon!
You always know you’re drifting away from God, when some “creature comfort”
For me it was ALWAYS food. There was plenty and it was easily in reach.
Did you ever hear about the “set point” theory? The body has a natural resistence
towards gaining or losing weight. Some people can pig out and get larger and larger until,
the fire department must come and rescue them. Others could eat the same amount and
get fat, but not THAT fat. Some can lose ALL the weight they want in one fell swoop,
and others are “locked” into a certain amount.
I was really a pig, eating inapporiate foods by the bucket full. I could eat a whole gallon of
ice cream throughout the day. I tried to get a handle on my food abuse by fasting.
I fasted on water for 6 days, and fell off the wagon. That very first day (New Years Eve)
I thought I could just go back to “normal.” I bought the usual vast amount of food and
started piling it in. Very shortly, I began throwing up hot acid from my stomach that had
acculamated there for 6 days. Every time I did this, my througt was scorched. The flesh
was burned. This happened for a few days.
I was completely exhausted and draggy. And the “acid state” lasted for many days.
The only thing to do was to fast, sleep mostly, and take vast amounts of water and
I first attempted to drink fruit juice, (It burned even when I swolled water) but the burning
hurt so much, with oranage juice that I switched to apple juice. It took days for my throught
I first tried to eat fruit, but I couldn’t keep it down. Then, I switched to yogart (Remember,
my throught was schorched.)
Ultimately, I could eat fruit and transitioned back to a normal healthy diet, but the lingering
affects of years of food abuse took their toll. I don’t want to get too gross, but my digestion
is all fouled up-let’s leave it at that.
Like it says in the “A To Z Horoscope Maker,” by Alan Leo, “Someone with Venus in the 8th
house is likely to die from (Bodily) functional derangement, kidney function gone arye.”
My Sun opposite Jupiter explains my love of over indulging in rich foods!
Lon You made me realize something. I did not realize I could approve without commenting. Before, I had to comment to approve, so now I can do it 1-2-3 and will be sure to do so for you!
You really, really broke a cardinal rule of fasting. You have to build up slowly after a fast. People have died from what you did, my Friend. Thank Goodness, you did not. God can heal you totally Lon, body and soul!
Throughout the years “food” was all I had. I was NEVER a “well rounded” person who
could only partake of moderate amounts of ANYTHING! Nothing could satisify me like
I lost a great amount of weight at a young age because I really believed it would transform
the way others saw me. It didn’t work. People are VERY vicious. They are even MORE
vicious when you have Astrological placements that bring out the worst in them as I do.
I once saw a play on public T.V. I forget the name. It was about this boy who discovered
he could fly. The play follows him from childhood to adulthood. It shows his childhood
accquaintences. One person in particular, doesn’t like him at all. He is a very agressive
bully type and attacks him. He has to be pulled off him.
The boy attains world reknown fame because he can fly. He meets up with his old
accquaintances. They are adult now. They are married to each other. The boy has “missed
out” on “normal” life experiences even though he is famous. He has “the world” and yet
missed out on normal growth. You can see that one part of him actually envies his “normal”
friends. He particularly enivies his friend’s marriage and child. He tries to move in on his
friend’s wife, and the friend gently reminds him that it’s HIS’ wife and child. He irks the bully
again, and the bully has to be restrained. He’s not happy at all. In the end, he loses his
power of flight (He falls off a cliff and dies.) but he transfers his power to his friend’s young son.
The story is probably an anology of the Grasshopper And The Ant.” The first man was
blessed by talent he exploited without developing practical foundations. Maybe his
“replacement” will be wise, and not abuse his ability.
By the way, you should see a film called “Seconds” (1966) Even though Christ is NOT
mentioned in the film, it is a symbolic story about what happens when a Christian “blows it.”
There’s no going back!
You still have a lot to offer! There are people to whom only YOU could speak. God will use you if you let Him. He could use you on here. Go back to the Forum. So what if people get mad. You will learn social skills better. I spent 4 years on LL learning skills that I now have to use all the time. I am attacked about 4 times a day in some form or another.
One part of my “developement” was ALWAYS strides ahead of other types of developement.
That’s what Sun square Uranus is about! You can understand “escoterics” but you can’t
do 9 to 5 EVERYDAY things. The Sun and Mercury in the 9th only exceriserbates that!
So does my lack of earth, and Neptune opposite Sun. I AM NOT NOW AND HAVE NEVER
BEEN NORMAL! I GET TAKEN WITH THINGS. LIKE A CHILD CHASING A BUTTERFLY
ON THE WING.
I WANT BEAUTY BEAUTY BEAUTY! I AM DENIED BEAUTY BEAUTY BEAUTY!!!
(Neptune Trine Moon)
“Fen PL in 1st opposite Mars in 7th. “Look at the freak!”
I suppose you should just erase ALL my postings like the evil Alethea did, and just
forget you ever knew me!
Why are you melting down, Lon?
Lets talk about you. When you go places, do you try to bring rejection on yourself so you can THINK that it happens everywhere? I won’t reject you. I really like having you here. You mean a lot to me and I enjoy talking with you every day 😀
I simply don’t have the social tools, (expierence) that would assist me in making a
positive impression. My insecurity puts off people. (Pluto in 1st) I can trigger adverse
reactions in others. There’s plenty of Astrological literature on this.
I was also born in the Chinese year of the Dog, under the sign of Tauras. You should read
what the book “The New Astrology” by Suzanne White, and the recent book “Cosmic
Astrology” has to say about that placement. I both give and take OFFENSE.
There is so much emphasis placed on the “powerful and sexy” aspects of Pluto in the 1st,
(And I imagine it would be so at a blog aimed at young people.) that people overlook that
there is an entire OPPOSITE extreme of this placement. The best description of the
extremes of Pluto in the first comes from the book “The A To Z Horoscope Maker,” by Alan
Leo. True, Pluto in the first can be smug and overconfident in some ways, but it can also
suffer from immense insecurity to the point of self abuse. Also, Pluto in the first can put off
others because of the intensity of the native. They can percive him as “seedy” and
untrustworthy. I have been the recipiant of some very cruel cold shouldering by people who
hardly know me. I don’t appreciate that I have been the butt of jokes by guys attempting to
impress gals to go to sleep with them via humour. Let these players use some other means
to get into woman’s pants!
IF I WAS AN “INJUSTICE COLLECTOR” I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE ADAM LANZA
ROUTE LONG AGO. But I’m not an “injustice collector.” I have Moon in Cancer, Venus
in Pisces, and Sun + Mercury in the 9th.
BUT IT IS NOTHING BUT TORTURE TO HAVE PLUTO IN 1st OPPOSITE MARS in 7th
with those “sweet effet placements.” It’s like an up and down seesaw. Not to mention my
Leo raising which DEMANDS “respect,” which I rarely get!
It pains me to have to say this, but the messages I post today will be my last to this blog.
It’s no reflection on you, and it’s inevitable that it would happen sooner or later.
Even if I had desired to post for a longer amount of time, my father is soon to die, (I don’t
know percisely when) and my life would undergo such upheavels that I probably would never
be able to post messages again, because I would no longer have acess to a computer which I
barely know how to use to begin with. I will continue to look to see if you have posted any
responses to my messages of yesterday, then I shall leave.
I’m not like anybody you’ve dealt with, but I DO feel closest to catman. He is a person who
can undergo many emotional changes in the course of a 24 hour period, from immeanse
elation, to-off-the-cliff-depression. I could have sworn he was an ennagram 4!
Though I earnestly feel you ARE Christian, and I laude you for your kind heartedness
and attempts to meld the vastly different worlds of Astrology and conservative Christianity,
you are fighting a loosing battle. You will NEVER find acceptance among the ranks of
Hagan and Roth! Did you hear the song a few years back called “It’s Ironic” or “How Ironic?”
by that ecentric woman singer who’s name begins with M? That’s you Ami! I WOULD NEVER
hurt you for the whole world! You are WONDERFULL WONDERFULL!
But I happen to be a one in a million oddball that can’t give or accept love from ANYONE-
NOT EVEN GOD!’
So I pollute EVERY THING AND EVERYONE I TOUCH! My misery will soon be over by my
hand, society’s or God’s (Uranus in 12th)
I don’t know whether you will moderate these final posts, or keep them here. But understand
one thing: I DO APPRECIATE YOUR MOON IN CANCER HEART OF GOLD, AND THE
WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE IF THERE WERE MORE LIKE YOU!
I missed this post somehow. I have moon conjunct mars in Gemini, in my 4th House.
In 2014, when you were going through this, I was too.
I was horribly hurt, malignant narcissistic relationship that had gone on for 8 years. I cried for MONTHS, day and night. Couldn’t leave my bed. Faced all my demons going back to childhood abuse. All of it came out in torrents. Literally any moment I was awake I was crying.
I remember venturing out to the grocery store for food (because I was starving). I was going to give myself all my favorites, or try something wonderful and new and tasty. But when I got to the food on the shelves, a charlie horse was in my stomach, in my solar plexus. A huge tight ball of pain, and I started crying again and left because I couldn’t fall apart in public. I left without food.
I dropped to 87lbs (I’m supposed to be 130). I was so hungry and weak, I was eating dandelions out of the yard, then crying.
The charlie horse did not let up for months. I found my will to live was very strong though!
It’s taken me until now to be totally healed. I stayed alone, did not start a new relationship. Learned to give myself the love others weren’t giving me. Because that whole time I was alone in my house, no one called. No one came to check on me. No one. Not even a family member.
I had to forgive them all too, because of how hurt and angry and abandoned and rejected and you name it. But I have True Lilith on my AS. And I have Chiron in my 2nd House in Aries along with Eris.
And I learned this about Selena: she is like your immune system, but most particularly your need for sleep. She is in my 2nd House as well. I began to sleep without any medical help for the first time. I also discovered my endometriosis. I protect my right to sleep, like an innocent baby. Selena changed my life – and my health – completely.
Moon and Mars is pain related to reproductive system related issues. I’m absolutely convinced of this. I NEEDED to be able to EXPRESS my pain, my anger too. But no one wants to hear it, because that’s “being negative.”
But alone, in my room, without anybody to make me feel humiliated or to cause me to “control” my emotions – I could LET IT ALL OUT. Without being watched by a doctor or by anyone but God.
I have to tell you this too:
I was in grave danger, because of how weak I was getting. The amount of emotional and physical pain I had endured for so long was very great. I knew that I could go to the hospital for help. But I also knew that this was the time for push to come to shove, either I make it through or I don’t.
I was crying inconsolably in my bed, and the charlie horse…and all the fear and the hysteria. I felt like I was dying. Through this came a small thought that was very quiet but URGENT: get up, right now, you must MOVE. It was like I was suffering an overdoes of whatever negative stuff the brain releases during fight or flight? I don’t know I’m not a doctor. But I know that when someone has overdosed, you make them walk and keep moving if you can. I’d not taken anything, barely drank water.
So I got up. There was nothing to do but walk out into my livingroom. There I saw my laundry piled up on the sofa, needing to be bagged up. So I decided I would bag it. Then I thought, well might as well SORT it too. So I did that. When I was done, my body had returned to a state of CALM. I had stopped crying. I felt TIRED, and I went back to bed and slept the best sleep I’d had in so, so long.
It was a turning point.
It took a long time, but I kept at it. Since then, I have experienced several friends and a neighbor committing suicide. I have compassion for them, and their ultimate choice. It is not the one I was willing to make. I found my anchor in the sunrise and sunset. Warm and steady and reliable, oh I could COUNT on the sun.
And I learned to trust my own Aries SUN too. I learned that every time someone had gaslighted me, discredited my thoughts and feelings, overtly tried to destroy my IDENTITY? It was because they knew I had SEEN them and were trying to make sure no one would ever believe me.
Oh yes, that has turned around – and this is also what caused me to look up at the sky, to listen to the planets. THANK YOU for your wonderful journal. Sending you higher love and blessings.
From ASC in Aquarius, with Venus conj Ceres AND Juno in my 1st House – MC in Scorpio (be as wise as serpents, innocent as doves)