I know I am not alone in this. I will tell you my story. I could never shine. I had to make sure that a Malignant Narcissist mother shone. I was punished when I outshone her and I could. I was punished when I made her look bad by being better. The fear of shining stayed with me for my whole life.
I must have some curse that Mal Narc women seem to dog me. The same people who dogged you in childhood dog you until you learn the lessons.At any rate, I have the Malignant Narcissist women from hell seem to find me and ride me until I cast them off like a fishing reel into the ocean.
*Sigh* My lesson must be to beat them into oblivion like I could never do to my Malignant Narcissist mother. I suppose when I beat enough of them into oblivion, I will have won the Karma prize, even though I don’t believe in Karma.
Well, I have the same Malignant Narcissist dogging me that I have had for four years. Have I learned to beat her down? I suppose I have. God will intervene and give her a punch, at times, which is always good, too.
I got a Comment from “Name”. She may be one of my friends posting as an Anonymous. I suspect she is, but I don’t know who it is. She gives the answers in the Teacher’s Book. I remember how the Teacher’s Book was so coveted. All the math answers were in that holy grail. One could hope to understand Geometry like a whiz, if one could only get one’s hand on it.
I got my hand on a Teacher’s Book, once. There was all I could hope for laid out in black and white, all the answers. The problem was that teachers made you show your work. A simple answer would not do for those prison wardens. You had to know how to do the darn problem.
Herein lies the rub for people who tell you to take a fast track to the Teacher’s Book. Are they right? Yes. Does it help? Yes, it does help a bit. Will it take you to the point that you know how to do the problems? NO, that comes by falling and getting up, falling and getting up, falling and getting up. Then, one day, you don’t fall as hard. Then, another day, you fall a little easier. Then, one day, you walk away.
I know “Name” did not mean to throw guilt or condemnation on me. I could feel her spirit and it was kind. However, things don’t work in a simple way, as she intimated. Maybe, she knew this and was just giving the answer from the Teachers Book and that is OK. However, one must know how to do the problems when test time comes along. If not, one would be accused of cheating. One would be cheating. Don’t ya know it?
PS Why did I put this guy’s picture here. I don’t know. He is just cute 😀
I understand..My mother was same..
Her sun conjunct my DC. I know DC is partner as well as opponent. She sure was my biggest opponent while i was growing up. Also my mother has her Ceres conjunt her NN, the learning point. At 62, she is still struggling to learn how to nurture and be a mother or even grandmother for that matter.
Thanks Marion. Does the DSC stand for open enemies or opponents? I got a comment from Name that you can read. That is the answer in the Teacher’s Book. If you stole the Teacher’s Book, you could parrot the answers but they do no good until you get them in the heart. That takes falling on your face enough times that you simply stop and turn in the other direction. However, it is a heart learning, not a head learning. It is a time thing, too. I wish I could learn lessons fast and easily but I can’t. I learn them slowly and hard.
Maybe you need to look at your part in it.
And maybe you me to forgive them and ignore them. Make amends.
You’re only hurting yourself by paying attention to them and you do it because you want to relive the pain of your abuse. It’s the classic acting out your abuse drama.
You don’t want to be happy. If you did, you’d be indifferent to them. The problem, in the end, is you, because you refuse to let the abuse end by fighting them. That’s your lesson to learn. You play a way bigger role in all of this than you want to admit. You attract them because you’re the one who is damaged and you put it out there. They react and you play the victim and you love it. You get to feed your pain that way.
Cest la vie.
Thanks for your comment, Name. I just perused it but I am going to study it. I value someone trying to give me honesty. We all need it, Friend!
Let me look at this honestly. This woman is vile but there are lots of vile people out there from whom I walk away with strength. I am still learning my lessons with this one BUT she used to irritate me at a 10 and now it is a 7.
See my response below. Lol.
They may not even be doing anything to you. You’re *may be * projecting your abuse from childhood onto them and imagining all kinds of slights that aren’t even valid. Child abuse victims project their abuse onto people who aren’t even abusing them. They’re hypersensitive and see abuse and insults everywhere. That’s why so many violent predators become abusers, they were abused — and of course the predators are the ones who were right in their crimes — their victims were wrong, not them. They’re all acting out their abuse that they never got over and putting it on innocent people that the criminal rationalizes is deserving and evil. They blow everything out of proportion and imagine things about their victim to act out their childhood abuse.
Abusers are the ultimate victimizer all the while believing they’re the real victim and that their Victim is the victimizer. But they’re wrong. They’re deluded, paranoid and imagine abuse in their victim, abuse that’s all in their head. This projection onto their victim lets them act out their abuse on someone else and let’s them feel justified.
But of course they can’t see this because they’re too screwed up in the head to see whats real from whats delusion.
I really think both things are true. This person is a malicious Mal Narc and Anti-Semite but I am not walking away because I am unhealed of things that she represents. I think this is very true. Look around and there will be all sorts of people trying to hassle you, many of whom I walk from with a kind word or a firm word, whatever.
With this one, she has been an ongoing plight but one from which I have been extricating myself slowly. I guess that is the best I can do and that is progress. Thanks again for caring enough to take the time to comment. Don’t be a stranger! 🙂
You know, I learned several things from my last go around with this woman. You will be hated if you lose or if you win. You may as well win. You will be hated if you shine or if you hide your light in the dark. You may as well shine.
I wonder why you’re so obsessed with her….that’s is the answer key to the teachers book. Figure it out.
Actually, Name, you helped quite a bit. I feel freer, today. I had her attack me last night. I saw red. I could barely breathe. Then, as I sat there with a huge weight on my chest, I realized I did not have to respond back. Even if I beat her to a pulp, where did it really get me? Also, God intervened and someone else punched her. I enjoyed that 😀
Whats that saying about not letting god see you get happy when he punishes your enemies lest he eases up on them? I’m paraphrasing but you probably know which one I mean.
Ps- I say, “screw that” (most of the time). I’m gonna be happy about it, usually.. At least a little :p
You are a girl( or guy) after my own heart ^^
I think we have an ambilivent attitude about sociopaths. On the one hand we revile them.
On the other hand we are fascinated by them because they make their own rules.
They add interest to our lives. But the novelty wears off.
The sociopath is like “The Great Wizzard Of Oz,” until someone pulls back the curtin
and exposes him for the fraud that he is.
All grifters need victims. When a victim refuses to play the victim’s role, the influence
of the sociopath evaperates like steam off a pipe.
Lon, you have a lot of wisdom. You don’t see that you are a diamond. Take my word for it!
My mother still tries to run me down. Tries to make me feel worthless. But it no longer ‘gets to me’. I just tell her off.
Yes. DC is open enemies in western astrology. In Vedic astrology open enemies are 6th house and hidden enemies are 12th house.
It seems weird to me that the DSC could be your partner AND open enemies. These seem so opposite, Marion. How do you reconcile them?
Maybe it can be your Moon conjunct MC? As the Moon represents the mother? I have that aspect as well and I work with my mother. She has to be on the spotlight all the time(she has a Leo Moon and Mars). I just got used to it, I don
I never thought that Moon conj the Mc could mean that my mother wanted to be the tops but it makes sense. Does it mean that?
Name’s comments reminded me of this.
I used to have this recurring dream for a period in my life. A bogeyman/monster of sorts would come after me, try to get me, kill me. Each time I had the dream, I would try to either get away from him, or face him and try to stop him. But nothing stopped him. And each time I had the dream, I would wake up before he “got” me, because it was too psychologically terrifying to bear. I would often wake up with my heart racing, breathing hard in a panic because I’d just woken up out of this dream, moments before he touched me.
As the dream repeated itself over the course of many nights, within the dream I would try to change my methods–escalate my methods of stopping him or destroying him for good. Each night I found that I was willing to get more and more extreme…even quite violent. And even though he was the vilest of creatures, even in my dreams I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, bothered by the extent of the violence I was willing to go to, that I was beginning to go to, to save myself and to try to stop him. I felt like I was becoming someone I didn’t recognize, and that I had a gut and heart-level discomfort, a visceral negative reaction, to becoming & being.
One night, the night after I’d escalated the violence against him in my efforts to destroy and stop him to the highest/worst point that I thought I could do, he came again–and I felt despair. I’d already gone as far as I could go, or bring myself to go, I thought. But he still came. What was I going to do? Become even worse? Was there a ‘worse’ left, than I’d done? And was I capable of it?
Realizing this in the dream, I suddenly knew that my only recourse at this point was to…let him get me. He would never be stopped. The problem was, my fear. I fought him because I was afraid. I woke up in a panic, heart racing and hard breathing, because I was afraid. My fear is what he “got me” with. My fear was his power.
Somehow, miraculously, in the last time I had the dream, I realized this, and I stood there before him, refusing to be afraid when he reached me. I let him come. And it was like a light switch was flipped on in my head, in the dream. I truly didn’t fear him (or refused to, and, in the unreality of dreams, was therefore simply ABLE to, just as soon as I made the decision not to be, lol), and…now here is where you’re going to hate me… xD lol …I can’t remember clearly after all these years how the dream ended that night, but I know that I woke up, not afraid, and that he hadn’t ‘gotten me’ – that he had stopped, or been stopped, somehow.
I was victorious, finally. After learning how to stop and not fight.
And I felt much better about myself, in that dream. I was no longer uncomfortable with who I was becoming, or my actions. I didn’t feel like I was in danger of making a monster out of myself, just in order to stop a seemingly impossible-to-stop one. I felt peace.
And I never had the dream again.
I truly believe God gave me that dream.
And, to answer perhaps your question, no, I’m not sure what in my life the monster represented. xD lol (I can’t recall any abuse, and I don’t think I had any. But I know it stood for something…some thing I was terribly afraid of, at the time.)
Maybe it would be important for me to figure out what that monster represented, or maybe it’s bygones, by now. But the lesson has stuck with me. My fear is what makes me powerless, no matter how much “strength” of force I’m willing to show. And I control my fear. I will – never – be able to control “Them.” (The other person/bogeyman.)
I will come back and study, Ferry dear!
WOW Ferry. That was amazing. I read every word with rapt attention 😀
Oh, also, I wanted to add this:
In Henry Cloud & John Townsend’s book Boundaries, they talk about how every person learning how to build new boundaries for themself for the first time has to go through a “reactive” period, first. It is a natural part of the boundary formation process: Where you learn to say “No!” — you react to others’ encroachments.
To me, it sounds like you are here.
You’re in that period of your life, with certain boundaries you’re trying to build up and strengthen, where you build that muscle of forcefully saying your “NO!”
Like Cloud & Townsend say: This is NOT bad!! It is necessary. (Especially for people who have been victimized & suffered abuse.)
Eventually, though, there is a place beyond that–where the person has strengthened their “No!” to the point where they feel stronger & more secure…and they no longer have to ‘react.’ Their boundaries are formed, strong, and in place…and they are able to ignore some things and walk on their merry way. 🙂 They say it much better than I do… But, basically, this is the end goal of the work of forming a new personal boundary.
It is so funny. I did not read this, first, and I started an article on boundaries!
I LOVE YOU AMI!
Always remember that! In spite of everything!
Thanks. I love you, too.
I answered your question by private message. Please, respect my privacy, Lon, as I asked you to.
I just really wanna be honest:
I REALLY LOVE YOU, AMI!
Inspite of everything and…
you know it so well!
I feel very fondly to you, too. Let’s forget it. Real friends can fight and get back. In fact, THAT is the test if real friends. I took a chance with my closest real life friend. I told him really strong and honest things. It would make us or break us, Then, he told me honest things and now we are closer. We play music together and even that was sweeter because we were honest. <3
Everybody is wild here, today. You got Lon going too 😀
You`re so very SPECIAL to me and so dear to my HEART!
Please, don`t you ever forget that
I REALLY, REALLY LOVE YOU!! <3 <3 <3
*sighs because people be crazy. all of them. every single one* xD