Boundaries is another topic which has gotten a lot of attention. However, one may understand it with the intellect and not the heart. When this happens, it is like putting water through a sieve. Hence, how will this article be different? I will incorporate my other articles and form some conclusions about boundaries using the previous concepts. Hopefully, this will help the idea to go in deeply and take root.
First of all, one must love oneself before one can honor oneself. Boundaries are rooted in honoring oneself. Think about two objects you possess. One you value a great deal. It could be a special piece of jewelry owned by your grandmother. The other could be a used Tupperware dish. Which would demand the most care? Which would be located in a safe environment? Which would be handled with reverence? Of course, we know that the honored object would be revered. However, as you can guess where I am going, the victim of abuse treats herself like the Tupperware dish and not like the fine jewelry. She, usually, treats others like the fine jewelry. This results from the fact that she was forced to develop self loathing in order to survive. All her childhood anger( and it was immense) was channeled into self hatred. This is through no fault of the native. It is a result of the defense mechanisms set in place by God. Hence, the self loathing of the abused person and/or depressed person is not her fault. This one fact helps a person to ease up on the self flagellation. Abused people tend to take the blame for circumstances and issues which are beyond their control.
Boundaries are the natural expression of self love. If one does not have self love, one is not in the proper relationship with God. The reason for this is that God loves is very much. Hence, it is heresy to hate ourselves. Again, we know this with the mind but not the heart. I will go out on a limb here and say that I believe one can never change deep core issues like this without God and Jesus is God. Hence, if you are reading this article and have another “form” of God, I do not believe you can change in a deep, heartfelt way. I think you can mimic change but it will not be true and lasting change. This is due to the fact that we have little to love in our fleshly human nature. Our self love will derive from knowing that God loves us because He is love, not because we are lovable.
Herein lies the run for those people who do not believe in Jesus. What is there to love in the human nature? Yes, we can be kind, at times. Yes, we can be loving at times. However, more often than not, we can be selfish and self centered. We know this even though we may dress ourselves up in powder and lace. Underneath, we know our flaws. This results in a natural shame that plagues all people( except sociopaths but that is another story).
I will be back