Many of my clients are woman and come to me ready to die if they do not get the guy. Others have gotten the guy and are going to die if they don’t get RID of him. Hence, I have a front row seat to the subject of obsession. I understand how it feels. I think it is a human experience. As with most life experiences, the chart can guide you from the beginning to the end, with as few casualties as possible. You will come out with valuable lessons, having learned them from the fire, always the best way.
I have never seen obsession without classic aspects in the chart. One is Nessus. Nessus is the asteroid of the abuser and we all have one.The other factor which is always present is the asteroid Dejanira. Dejanira is the asteroid of the victim and we all have one. Astrology is humbling. Each person is capable of everything. However, the chart configuration presents different challenges to each of us. To a person with a prominent Nessus in the natal chart, he will want to abuse. There is no way to say it, but straight out. By prominent, I mean Nessus conjunct the ASC, MC, or any of the personal planets which are the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus or Mars. Does he HAVE to abuse? No. Will he abuse until he learns the spiritual and emotional lessons which prevent it? Yes, most likely.
Back to the synastry, Nessus is always dominant in a synastry of obsession. I have my own theory as to why. It is because the relationship brings up childhood abuse. Love and abuse are inextricably bound to the person who was abused as a child. Abuse and love form part of a soup in which the ingredients have melded into one. One cannot distinguish parts. As such, the woman( we shall use a woman here, although it could be a man) feels love when she should be running for the hills.
Dejanira is the asteroid of the victim. In a synastry of obsession, both of these asteroids are prominent. Each person will touch a pivotal part of the chart of the other person with his Nessus and Dejanira. It is simply the case and has never failed. The other thing that always seems to happen is that the relationship heats up to nuclear passion and then dies. When it dies, the passion turns to hatred and the hatred can be bad. It can be cold hatred that plots revenge. One does not toy with these asteroids.
I would not call Nessus and Dejanira soul mate asteroids because a soul mate relationship lasts until people are old and grey. Nessus and Dejanira seems to burn up like a firecracker and when it comes down, it is with a fizzle and a thud. I don’t think there is any high quite like a Nessus/Dejanira relationship.If you have ever been in a relationship which feels like heroin, I would bet it was a Nessus/Dejanira relationship. You will feel like you have found your true soul mate. That seems to be the case in all of these relationships. You are as sure of this as of anything. However, it seems to be a deception based on your own history and not the person in front of you. Nessus and Dejanira relationships seem to be a replay of your history. They are wonderful in the beginning, just as you had glorious promise as a child. However, if you were abused, that promise floated away as debris in the ocean. You were left longing for that old life where endless possibilities still seemed as if they could come true. Nessus and Dejanira relationships allow them to come true for a time. That time is magical like little else but it is a mirage as an oasis in the desert to a man dying of thirst.