"I want to welcome you to my website. YOU are the most important person to me. I don't need anything from you, except to serve you. I hope I can do this in my articles. I hope I can do this when I tell you about my own life. I do charts for the people who want them. Most important to me is that you find Jesus. You don't need to BELIEVE in Jesus to come here and/or to contact me. However, if you want me to help you to find Jesus, that is why I am here. Finding Jesus is all that really matters in life. I love you and hope you write to me to say hello or to ask questions.
Please forgive me. As Padre said on one of his threads, I was “me being me.”
I certainly meant no harm. I have no social life to speak of,so I have no idea how
hectic it can be this time of year. A lot of complications have befallen you!
“When it rains, it pours,” goes the saying.
I know, from my past experiece (Which isn’t much.) that my posts stir people up. I’m
not at all like others, and people can be agitated by contrian viewpoints. Like I
said before, you can say most anything on the internet, you just have to be aware where
you say it.
I meant what I said. If you believe that I’m a liability I WILL cease posting here. But I like
posting here so much that I would like you to have the final decision on THAT.
I’m terribly sorry that I drove Anya away. It’s just because of my lack of the social graces.
At lest Padre came back. And tombone looks to be a very interesting poster. If I absoultely
KNEW that my leaving would bring Ayna back, I would do so.
Because I’m something of a freak, I neglected to let Ayna know she is loved
UNCONDITIONALLY, but only Christ can convince her of THAT.
In any case, I await your judgement. I will abide by your decision whatever it is!
If you choose not to respond at all, I’ll assume I’m still welcome here. I have few places
where I can truly express myself, and it’s not like I have much longer ANYWAY!
I LOVE having you here. I need the support of a Christian brother that you give me. When you say something I think is offensive, I will tell you, NOT THROW YOU AWAY, Brother <3
I don’t know what happened between you and anyone else but in my book, you are A plus!!!
Thank you so much! You can see from my chart, that I’m prone to say the wrong
thing at times, and have a lingering sense of insecurity. That’s why my favorite saying
is: “Offense can never be given, it can only be taken!”
I know exactly what you mean, Lon. I am on my program to get more confidence. I think you have to fail and be humiliated enough that you don’t care. I went into a terrible hole where I isolated. I just could not do life. Then, after I lost my son, I decided that I must make my life count for something. I felt led to study Astrology. I went on Linda-Goodman.com. and made a community there.Then, I became a Moderator and have been for 4 years. My point in saying this was that I went through all kinds of fights and humiliation there. I learned to stand up. I learned that I could screw up and someone would still love me because the head of LL was a wonderful mentor to me and one of the truest friends I ever had.
Then, I was able to have the skills to have my own website. You need certain skills to back people down and to deal with fights etc. I have seen people try to have websites and other kinds of things and have to run away from them with the first conflict.
Now, I feel I need to go more into the outside world but it is not easy and I really don’t want to do it but I feel I need to see that I can deal with the ghosts I was afraid of. It will prolly be the same thing as LL where I will learn to cope on a different level, so now I am in the process of doing this.
My basic problem is that I don’t have any underpinnings. I’ve just gone through the
motions. You probably accrued “normal” life experiences. You know how to behave in
social situations because you’ve been exposed to them in a “give and take” manner.
I kept in my own private and imaginary world. This was damaging and unhealthful because
all life is about GROWTH. “Grow Or Die,” was the title of a famous book. It’s absolutely
true. The reason why there is so much death in this world is because there is so little
I pretty much gave up on the world at 12. I interacted “just enough” to keep from being
hospitalized, but you could tell something was wrong with me.
My parents were in no position to help me, because of a combination of denial and the fact
that they were total opposites. They would have been happier apart but it’s that old
“Better-the-devil-you-know-then-the-devil-you-don’t-know” sinero. My father worked long
hours and always arrived home in surly mood. I was always scared of his furcious temper.
My mother enabled me and completely contradicted my father which only made him
angrier. Like most aserbic people he has absolutely no memory of how he behaved; it’s
always somebody else’s fault. So between these two extremes I didn’t know what to do.
My father couldn’t guide, and my mother couldn’t discipline. Each parent should have SOME
of those abilites. People don’t want to face HARD facts. So much easier to sweep it all under
the rug and hope it will go away. If resentments are NOT resolved they only spill over.
“Pay me NOW, or pay me LATER!”
Yes, that would be very, very hard, Lon. I think the Rapture will be soon, due to the Red Blood Moons. I am ready for it to happen this second!
You know, I didn’t attempt to go back to school many years ago. It was set up for
me to attend a community college. Very small elemental stuff. I knew in my heart it
wouldn’t work. I knew my history with people and how VICIOUS they can be. I
knew I would be ridiculed, how out of place I would appear to people much younger
then myself. I did have some perceptive talents (Sun, Mercury in 9th) But 0 social
I was very skilled in the sociological stuff, but NOT the social stuff itself. I had one
sociology teacher, who was very wary of me because he thought I would make trouble for
him. He didn’t like my “conservative” viewpoints. But I was so intelligent in sociology I won
him over. He thought I was TOO intelligent actually. He couldn’t understand how I defied
his judgements. One homosexual kid couldn’t figure me out either and went to him behind
my back and said I was cheating. It frustrates people not to be able to figure a person out.
I always sat away from the others in the corner of the room. I have hygene issues NOT
because I don’t wash,but because for many years I abused food. It’s pretty damaged in my
digestive tract. So that’s one reason, among others, that I don’t get too close to people.
Anyway, when I was taking the final exam, I was sitting by the wastepaper basket. He
got up from his desk and walked up to me. I wasn’t at all surprised because earlier he had
announced to the class that someone went to him and said someone was cheating. There
is nothing more wicked on the earth then a human being, so I knew the homosexual must
have lied about me.
There was nothing in the wastebasket. He went back to the desk.
When the test scores came out, it was revealed that I had the second highest score in the
class. This pleased him very much, because the odd ball (me) was not a cheater after all.
I ran into him a few mounths later and he was very friendly to me. Most of his other students
could care less about socialogy.
But I didn’t do as well in most other classes. I was ALWAYS uncomfortable in school (Neptune in 3rd) and when I returned briefly, that was no exception.
You’ve heard the expression from the Bible “laughed to scorn.” That was me. So much
was I laughted at behind my back that the teachers had to repremand the students.
This was very embarassing because that should never happen with people that age.
I simpilly kept away from the others as much as I could, and had spartic attendence.
I simplily can’t socialize with people any more. That bus left town long ago!
Aww That touched me so much, Lon. You have a real testimony, you know. There are people out there that ONLY you can touch. There are people who feel on the sidelines like you do. YOU can touch them because of your pain. God never wastes anything and YOU have a voice, Lon dear. I am so happy you are on my forum and feel comfortable here! <3
Think you very much. When it comes my plight, I’m reminded of a disclaimer I saw
at the beginning of a Three Stooges Movie: “Any resemblence between these
characters and anyone living is purely coincidental, because they would be better off dead!”
The “tragi-comedy” of my life is soon to end, I don’t know just when!
I know this is trite to say but you have a ministry. There are people who feel just as you do and went through JUST what you went through and have no one to talk to. You are the one God can send to these people <3
There can’t be too many of these “people.” I, myself, can’t account for why I’ve lived so
long, and how much time I have left, which I suspect isn’t long!
I need you, Lon. People need you, Lon. You don’t see that <3