You cannot change without love. I am not talking about the state of idolized romantic love. That is lust: a conditional love which leaves when the hormones wane. I am talking about an agape kind of love. Wait, lest you run in fear, afraid you could never reach that . You can. Ordinary people can give each other a boost. It may be a word or a warm acceptance. It may be more, but it doesn’t have to be. Love is the real currency between human beings. We think it is money, but it is not.
If you are struggling with low self esteem, allow yourself to be seen by someone. Allow that mask of perfection to come down, a bit. Use wisdom, in that you do need to have some trustworthy people around you. Then, free fall. You may be surprised at what you find. New compartments in yourself may open. up.You may find that you have a large red polka dot, deep inside. You may find a splotch of lime green. You may be delighted. You will have found more of your self . If you are depressed, you have parts of yourself which are hidden, suppressed, submerged and not available to you. If you can pull some of theses up, your depression will lessen. You may have a wonderful sense of humor . You may be a great listener. On the other hand,you may have a great deal of rage, which is just as valid to release as are the other parts( perhaps, more so)
If you are depressed, I suspect you have hidden rage. You may have no idea how to access it. I think that you have to jump in. If someone encroaches on you, let them know. If you are just starting to excavate your rage, you may look frightful. You may be slapping the person(figuratively) when you just needed to tap. You will not look good when your rage first comes out. You may look like an impotent dictator or a little child stomping his foot. You are letting loose an untamed part of yourself, so expect it to be untamed. This is where you need some people who will lift you up while you are drowning. This in imperative. If you don’t have this, you will fall back into suppressed rage, as it is your default state.
When a person has been abused, he may express too much rage or not enough. Either way is not good, obviously. Rage squelched can produce diseases like ulcers and high blood pressure.Rage expressed too freely can produce abuse. Hence, rage is not a nice furry animal one can consign to the back room. One must deal with it.The manner in which one deals with it is key. I know that there are schools of thought that say hit a pillow with a bat. I have not seen that produce true change. I think that when we expose our self to others, the stakes are taken up a notch. Hence, the rewards are amplified.
Find a place you can be known. Then, let your true self, with all it’s warts, come out. You may find that the warts were just ghosts of times past. You, probably, took on someone’s ghost for him/her, so he would not have to wrangle with it. This is, often, the case with a parent. The child is forced to carry the cast- off parts of a parent, in exchange for the child’s acceptance or even safety. The child may carry it for his entire lifetime, as the ghost is shut up in a compartment. One thinks the ghost is safely ensconced. However, the ghost will make himself known in addictions, depression, inability to sustain relationships or being out of touch with one’s own feelings. Energy is not created or destroyed. This goes for emotional energy, too. Hence, one must find a way to unleash these ghosts, as the quality of one’s life will be hampered or enhanced, as a result.