Gaslighting probably happened to you if you were abused. If you had a Mal Narc parent, I can say that if DID. You probably did not know what it was. People don’t. An innocent child does not, most certainly. I have had a strange journey to learn about Gaslighting. I will share it with you because I think it can help you when you come up against people who want to Gaslight you.
Where do I start my journey? I was Gaslighted as a child. Gaslighting is when someone is doing ONE thing to you but acting like they are not. The movie from which the name derived was based on a man trying to make his wife think that she was crazy, so he could steal her fortune. He would put on lights and when she saw them, say that they were not there. Hence, the term Gaslighting is used when someone is doing something underhanded to someone and acting like they are not and that the person is CRAZY for thinking they are.
I don’t know how to begin to talk about the Gaslighting in my life. Perhaps, I should let that go and talk about recent Gaslighting and how I came to understand it. I am an open person. I have a Gemini stellium in the ninth House with a Cancer Moon conjunct the MC. I have most of my planets in the upper half of the chart which signifies an extrovert. I really never did covert, underhanded things. I was not wired that way.
I encountered a woman who was extremely underhanded( and this is an understatement). She was a total creep. It took me several years to figure her game. That game was Gaslighting. I learned how to beat her at her game because with utter creeps, it is needed. I wish the world was such that things like this were not needed but one must live in reality in order to be healthy.
My learning this was the result of my relationship with several sociopaths. I learned about Gaslighting. Then, when I was attacked by the Malignant Narc woman , I had skills with which to beat her down. Those skills were Gaslighting. If one fights you with an assault rifle, you best not bring a butter knife.
I need to add that with a Mal Narc, all you really need to do is expose them to the light and they shrink like the Wicked Witch of the West into a the proverbial puddle of water. They want to keep their mask on at ALL costs. If they even think that you will take it off, they will flee you like ants running from an ant trap.
If you are Gaslighted, you must know a few things. One is that the person is trying to mess with you. You cannot take what she says as linear or logical. The end game is to undermine you.So, don’t respond to specifics. There are no specifics that matter. Trying to undermine you is the only specific that is in play here.
Number two, know that you will win by disengaging. The person wants to engage you. It doesn’t matter what the ostensible subject is, the true subject is Gaslighting. When you disengage, the person will get angry because the game is not going her way. If you disengage long enough, the person will go away. This is what you want.
Gaslighting cannot really be learned in an article. It is an on the job kind of thing. One must trust in oneself when confronted with Gaslighting. The goal is to get one to shun one’s reality and accept the reality of the other. The stakes are high, so watch to see those people who will try to do this dance of deception with you. When they extend their hand, let it extend so far that they fall over. Then politely bid them farewell. You can smirk on the way out but don’t turn around.
There’s an expression called, “Take it from it’s source.” How a person chooses to
relate to you says more about THEM then it does about YOU.
If you reside on a higher spiritual level then they do, either:
A) You will have no need to respond to thier pettiness. Or,
B) You will be impervious to their attacks and provide no thrill for them.
For the most part, you probably wouldn’t even be in the vacinty of such people.
That may be true in a perfect world, Friend, but not in this one lol
The gaslighter may one day get fire played on them and blow up like TNT. Remember, gas lighting may seem fun but your playing with fire.. fire gets you burnt kids.
Yes, Gas Explosion
That is very true and good counsel. I did get one woman to back away completely, actually two. However, you never know what they may be plotting.
Do you deal with women, Ami? What about men. Aren’t they more interesting to gaslight?
Well, I don’t like to gaslight. I really don’t like to be covert. It took me 4 years to figure out how to Gaslight this horrible woman back. She had been doing it to me for 4 years. Another one was doing it, as well, but I did not realize that until I figured it out from the first woman. I may need to gaslight. If so, I can do it but I don’t like to. It is like carrying a knife in a dark alley. You are better off with it than without it but you wish you were not in the dark alley in the first place ^^
How and why did they gaslight you? It was not quite apparent from your story.
Umm I am planting Swiss chard. I will tell you when I get back.
Sure, I will pLANT SOME beets while waiting
^^ I am going to talk in generalities, rather than specifics. I am in a community and some people like each other. Some don’t. Some have fights. Some people pick at each other. This is a normal working of a community. However, if you add a Malignant narcissist, you are going to add another element.
I didn’t do anything to this person other than to be myself– with the good and the bad that we all have. I do wonder if my Unaspected Venus completed a T square in her chart to make it into a Grand Cross. I had this with a guy who could not stand me and vice -versa. When I saw our synastry, it was wild that that happened. I have not seen this lady’s chart. She does not show it and that can tell you something, too. However, she could not stand me but did not express it overtly. She picked and picked at me under the surface until I exploded. When I did,she acted like I was crazy and making it up. That is Gaslighting.
She almost drove me away from that community in utter frustration. She was a pro at Gaslighting. She made me look terrible and other people were starting to think that I was a troublemaker, although I am not. I am a Cancer Moon and Mars, it is very, very rare that I will be mean to a person without provocation. So, this person kept attacking me under the surface and I kept exploding ON the surface and looking bad. Finally, someone helped me to see that I needed to ignore. After I managed to ignore for many months. I pulled back and could see someone else who was Gaslighting me. I was so frustrated by this person that I took a step back and saw what she was doing. I was very surprised.
I thought why not give her a taste of her own medicine. I started doing back to her what she did to me. She backed off me entirely to the point of almost leaving. The other girl gave up bothering me, too, because she was utterly frustrated. That is my behind the scenes story of Gaslighting. Any questions 😀
Yeah give me an example of how you were gaslited.
also i pray you find God xx
I am honest about who I am, Friend. I am honest about my struggles. I am honest about my successes. If you want to find a perfect person, you best look elsewhere. I do appreciate your prayers, though 😀
oh my gosh… I feel for you… psychological games… it’s a way of cornering a person so you can’t really ask for help because people want “proof”.. I’ve had a long term experience in it too… it’s the worst thing.. it breaks your spirit from the inside out.. in front of other people that person was so polite and sweet as pie… asking me “what’s wrong?” in front of others. When we were one-to-one, incredible undermining non-verbals or demeaning tones of talking at me… awful stuff.. it’s like your spirit being attacked… your body is intact… for a while, until it eventually impacts on physical health. Anyway… whew..! Can’t tell you how liberating this article is… 🙂 we live and learn :-p it’s such a weird thing having to learn all this crazy defence stuff… oh well, another year, another drama …. I hope this is all water under the bridge Amiann x
I think people who hide their bullying obviously know what they’re doing is wrong. I don’t know why some hide it and some don’t. It’s very tragic for the victim of a “hidden bully” because it’s hard for them to get any support. Sadly, they sometimes even get labelled as the trouble-maker.
People bring people down because it’s a twisted desperate way for them to feel taller… when really they should be valuing who they are, and knowing their qualities.
I also think there is another issue that sometimes comes into play here. Different natures/people sometime simply don’t like/love each other, and it’s not that there’s a right or wrong it’s just you’re different animals- like a seahorse and a giraffe. Respect isn’t just for those we like/love or click with- it’s for everyone. It’s what separates us from animals. However, I think some people get so insecure when they meet someone of a different vibe, they get territorial and switch into animal mode and want to make you “wrong” so they can relax and be “right.” All we need is love… (and I would add)… respect x