It is so weird to say this but I realized that I had a life long( or from age 14 on) depression when it started to lift. I write this to help others who are struggling and I know there are many. I will give you some background. I stopped talking to my parents a year ago. My mother Gaslighted me, one time too many. I just stopped talking to them. I did not make a big production. I did not scream or yell. I told my father that I would hear when she died and I cut off all contact.
I was miserable. I can’t lie. I am a Cancer Moon and Mars. We need family. Family is always first and we are very loyal. I was tormented all the time. I wanted to call so badly but I felt that I should not. In the interim, my father broke his hip. I had my son call but I would not. Then, one day, my son said that he felt I should make peace with my father but not my mother, so I did. We have been getting really close. We were always close but my father would never stand up for me when my mother was cruel, so I saw them as a duo, and they were.
I have all good aspects to my Sun, showing a good father/daughter bond and that is true. At any rate, my father and I reconciled. Then, I felt I could talk to my mother. We reconciled. I realized that i can defend myself but don’t need to treat her badly, in the process. I can just stand up for myself.
Anyway, the point is that I have harbored a life long depression from the angst and now the angst is healed and I can see it. I have learned a lot of things. One is that people cannot help it when they are stuck. I could not get out of it by a pure act of the will.
The real reason I could get out of the depression was my listening to the most amazing Bible teacher in the world–Kenneth E Hagin. He truly vibrates with God’s love. God is love and God heals.