I don’t know about you but I feel revulsion in the presence of sadism. My mother has Sado conjunct her Moon. Worse still, my Neptune is conjunct this, exact. I have written about this before but I wanted to write about the revulsion. As a child, I developed a phobia. It was a weird one and I became scared to death of it. It was a phobia of throwing up. I met one other person, in real life, who had it. Joan Baez, a famous person, has it.
As a child, I had many gifts. My chart is a gifted chart. It seems as if God wanted to shower me with gifts. I have an extroverted chart, upper hemisphere planets. I have Beleguese conjunct the Sun and Aldebaran conjunct Venus. I have an Unaspected Gemini Venus, a Libra ASC and a Cancer Moon. These are graced placements. However, if one puts my mother’s chart next to mine, I am thrust into a vise. It seemed to tighten until it strangled me and I became an attenuated person, skin and bones.
I just talked to my mother on the phone. Sadism drips from her voice . I recoil. I feel sick to my stomach. My poor stomach with a Cancer Moon and Mars. It feels everything. I ask myself why me? I ask myself why ? Why ? Why? My life has been a singular pain honed down to this. I became numb. My mother molested me and won’t admit it. Yet, I love her. One loves one’s mother, at least I do.
I have Chiron in the 4th. My mothers Sun combust Mercury in Aquarius conjuncts my Chiron, all exact. What this means is that she comes to me for healing and she is mentally ill. The Sun combust Mercury, exact, is a strong factor for mental illness. The EXACT nature of it is very important. This person is in a prison of self. She cannot step away to see that there is another person who feels and hurts.
Are all people with the Sun combust Mercury like this? I would say that all people with Sun combust Mercury, exact, can not step away from themselves. However, all would not be sadistic. That is another aspect– Libra Moon conjunct Sado–exact.
I ask God, “Why did you give me a mother with a heart of stone and ask me to endure when I had no capacity”?
I suppose this is a different question. However, I wonder if the House of Chiron is a lifelong pain, endured until our last breath, only stopping when we exit this earth. I suspect it is, although people will fight me on this.
One sees through a glass darkly. Was the person with the hardest life the most blessed ? I suspect things are skewed like this, unknown to us while we are earthbound and ignorant of the workings of Heaven and love on our behalf.
I left this article for a day, not wanting to peek at it to see how I embarrassed myself. It was not too bad. It was real. What is real has value for one’s soul, both the giver and the receiver, I hope.
Love your posts!!!
Whoa! A guy just tried contacting me. A few mins later, your post came through!
Decided to check Sado. Oof! I only know a little astrology. This cant be good!
My Vertex 5 49 Virgo
My Venus 9 22 Virgo
His:
Lilith 7 58 virgo
Pluto Rx 9 56 virgo
POF 10 35 virgo
Sado Rx 11 29 virgo
Thank you <3
<3 🙂
I will come back and study your post tomorrow, She.
Not a problem! 🙂
Take your time. You sound exhausted. Parents can be draining!! Psychic vampires.
Be safe.
~ She
Thank you, She! I am so glad you are here <3
OMG. Youre so sweet. You sound like you’re in such pain. :/
I’m so sorry.
Do you have to constantly remind yourself it’s your path.. etc? Like when you look at the charts. You know?
Too simplified, I know. You have Divine knowledge. How do you cope? :/
Aww You are a doll. I am better today. I started talking in tongues. I know it sounds TOTALLY weird but I was desperate so I did it for the last 6 days and I feel very different. I feel more centered and more whole. This allows your spirit to speak to you cuz it quiets your mind. I am starting to see that it was not my fault what happened to me. It was what I endured, not called upon myself xxx
Oh no. Not to imply karma. I really meant karma/dharma.
I dont think its weird for a hot minute. Divination takes so many forms. Im so glad you connected so intimately with spirit. In awe. Amazing. I dont have that type of connection.
Can I ask you? How did you learn astrology? Teacher? I had a reading with Gregory Martin. He wanted me to be a pupil but I couldn’t afford lessons. How did you do it?
Aww Thanks She
I joined Linda-goodman.com as a total newbie 6 years ago. I became a Moderator after a year and have been one for 5 years now. The way I learned Astrology, mostly, was doing readings for people as soon as I had something to offer. There is a Personal Readings Forum and I would go in there for hours every day and do charts. I really had no idea I would even become an astrologer. I just wanted to learn sooo badly. I have Astrowizard conjunct the ASC, exact, so I think it was my purpose. When I did charts, I would pick brains. I would ask people to explain what the aspect meant for them and felt to them. This website and my becoming an astrologer was led by God.
One night, 6 years ago at 3 AM, I heard a Voice tell me to study Astrology. It was very clear, inside my gut and so I prayed for 3 weeks to make sure I heard right and then I joined Linda-Goodman.com where I have been ever since.
I studied many Astrology books, of which I have a good library but the doing of charts was the main way I learned and in a PRACTICAL way.That is the key to me. Being esoteric does not really help, imo. I like to make everything practical.
Thanks so much!!!
I could look at a charts for hours. Problem is I don’t have any formal foundation. I just google meanings or look up in books as I want to understand someones chart. The cart before the horse if you will; makes learning very slow. Its like trying to be a doctor with no med school and examining a patient and then trying to learn medicine by investigating.
Just picked up the 4 vol Martin Schulman books on Karmic astrology. Interesting read. Vol 1.
Honestly, I like to learn with fun books, the humorous ones. I got books from Amazon and studied quite a bit. I love Howard Sasportas the best. He is easy to read and fun. I hate all that esoteric stuff. It is too dry for me. I could not learn if I had to push myself through it lol
Why do you speak of your evil mother when such a person does not exist?
There you are, C. I could say I missed you but I didn’t exactly but I did in some way. ANYHOO, Welcome Back 😀
When I get tired of your @#@$#$, I leave 😀
I might not come back too
Well, you are here now. That is all that matters. Talk to me. What you been doing? Sanitized version 😀
C You know we are gonna stay together, for life. Here is our song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy0DbdiDMwQ
But I’m not into madness like what you exhibit.
You are cool, C.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cA9gUspn6gc
I’m going to have a dive certificate. It’s pretty easy to get one. Then I’ll travel all the dive sites in the world. Maldives, Sipadan, Gold coast, etc.
I’m going snorkelling some time in a month or so 🙂
Lovely, C. I am so happy for you!
I admire you for being so adventurous, C. I would not be brave enough to do what you do.
Guess what, C? I am having one of my dreams today. Making tofu from scratch 😀
We can remain friends for life if that’s what you mean. I’ll log in and you’ll be there.
It is nice to know that some things never change :/
Same themes keep coming up for you and the fourth house. I too have chiron in it and never thought I could heal it. I have my long term best friend now girlfriend moving in with me. This house feels healed to me for the first time. Maybe you too need a third party in the home to heal it.
That is sooo lovely, Dan. I assume she is a Christian, too.
My girlfriends presence also initiated the healing between mother and me.
What kind of synastry do you have with your g/f, Dan, or your mother, for that matter, if you care to share.
Vertex’s are very prominent with The angles and nodes. My question to u is are your mum and you cut from the same stock? If she can’t even see that she abused you then I doubt she’s even aware of her soul. That is to say I don’t see a soul to soul connection with your mother.
Thank you, Dan. This is funny. My Moon is conj her NN, exact. I have a sweet heart and an emotive. I am supposed to bring this to her. She has Sun conj merc, exact in Aqua, as I said and Libra Moon conj Sado, exact. I truly wonder this, Dan, and I only shared it with one person cuz people will go crazy. I share it with you cuz you believe in Jesus like I do. I think my mother was made to be a curse to bring others to Jesus in the manner of Judas. He was made for a purpose, YET it was his choice. We see through a glass darkly, so we cannot see larger reasons but I suspect my mother was made to be a curse. Many people have been saved due to her causing them pain lol
Wow very interesting way of seeing it. One I shall meditate on for a little while.
Thanks for not rejecting it, out of hand, Dan. I have prayed and prayed and asked God to show me why I had my mother. Not to brag, but I had everything going for me. I could have had a wonderful life and a successful life but that one thing brought me to my knees, literally. It broke me. I feel God is showing me that she was born to be a curse. She is soooooo hateful about Jesus. She is sooo arrogant about Him.
hey Ami, I like your site very much, good work done there:)
I just wanted to say HI to you as a person who has cancer sun, cancer mars, moon in aries, chiron precisely on the 4th house cusp, dejanira, child in the 4th,
and in synastry: my Mother’s mars over my 4th AND her moon in libra conjunct sado (Yes!) over my saturn conjunct pluto in the 8th house, saturn being my chart ruler….
🙂
Of course, I relate to everything that you’ve written about gaslightening, how sosciopaths act…. etc
so thx for the gr8 articles, keep up the good work!
Thank you, Riceboy. You truly made my day and I needed it today! xoxo
Mum and I share moon pluto conjunction too. My pluto her moon.
Curse: I believe it. Why does nature serve up psychopaths? Demons and angels everywhere. It’s that simple for me. The battle is going on behind the scene of our own life and the bigger picture of it. We play our part for one or the other despite sometimes our best intentions.
Dan, I think God KNEW beforehand who would accept him and who would not. Hence, the people who want may be used to give enough pain to the heirs of salvation that they call out to God. Hence, God was a kind parent in giving us these people
Very powerful statements from you tonight. And your right, God knows it beforehand. God knows it all. God allows, and that is why darkness runs amok, because of the gift of free will given by god. Darkness twists free will making it its own will blaming god for its own workings. /I will tell you this the legacy of salvation has a twin called the legacy of enlightenment. Each is no less greater. Through salvation enlightenment is possible. And for when the light of the world lit up by the foundation that saved it, we then knew as we know now that Christ arose his consciousness for all to again see. The trumpet blew across the world, and as his coming grew, the clouds already made way for the ride flying with God’s speed. A mighty parade marching from on high. Bodies everywhere struck with life.
You make me appreciate Venus in Pisces, Dan!