This article is not just about me. It is about everyone who wants to be strong and confident( and that is everyone). It is for those who were taught not to trust themselves. This is really the subject of this article. What are you going to do if you KNOW someone is doing something to you, but they are in your face denying it?
What you do in this situation will make or break you. What you do in this situation will make you healthy or ill. What you do in this situation will make you a winner or a loser.
Of course, one time doing anything won’t make or break you but a pattern will. If you were abused, you were taught not to trust yourself. Most likely, the abuser denied what he was doing. Most likely, he blamed you for seeing him do it. He blamed you for seeing right. In time, you could not see right any more. In time, you believed he was not abusing you, even though you knew it, with every fiber of your being. Once this happened, you were lost. You were the worst kind of lost. You were lost to yourself.
So, lets say that you don’t trust yourself. Let’s say that you are the last one you trust. Let’s say that you trust the people telling you things that go against your gut, which is screaming for you to listen. If you are in this category, I am sure you have had many problems. You probably have had depression. You have probably been in abusive relationships. You probably feel lost as if you could scream and the scream would go on forever. This is how it feels to be lost to oneself. I know because I have been but I am sure you know that.
If we define the problem, that brings solace but it does not solve it. We want to solve it with every fiber of ourselves. Let’s see if we can offer ways to do that. I can just tell you what I do. I force myself to be authentic. I do it in small doses because it is too scary to do in big chunks. Once I get comfortable at one level, I will push myself to the next level.
This brings me to the subject of this article and why I am writing it now. I would say that my contribution to Astrology is not to be politically correct. I may not be right. I may have to change my points of view based on evidence. However, I won’t say the socially acceptable thing. I won’t do it because no one should bother reading me if I do. I should have no respect for myself if I do. I know because I have been there and I had no respect for myself.
How does one combat the fear of standing for what one believes. I do have a relationship with God. I don’t think I could do this without it. If everyone rejects me, God will still be there for me. That is a security. I do not have to do this without God, so cannot speak to that.
My articles usually write themselves. They go where they want. This one seems to want to give you some background. I have been a Moderator at Linda-Goodman.com for four years. When I say that Randall, the owner and webmaster, taught me everything I know, I am exaggerating. However, he taught me to stand up. He taught me how to ignore and walk away. He taught me how to deal with people in your face, people hating you and people harassing you.
I was never taught this as a child because I had to love my abuser or I would have gotten hurt. That is not a good environment to learn self esteem. I know I am not alone in this.I do enough charts to know that many people have lost their voices. Hence, I know that I write to people who want to get them back.
I think that one has to DO IT, as the Nike ad says. Force yourself to be yourself even if you know the whole room will not like you. It will be horrible at first. Then, it will get easier. As you lose friends, you will gain more. These will love you for who you are, not who you think you should be. This is an outline of something which is a mountain. I have expressed it as a hill. It is all I can do, as I am trying to climb it right alongside of you.
Please, write on my Comment Form if you can relate.
Hi Ami,
This is one of the best articles yet. This is the story of my life starting from childhood with my mom. I would always know something and my opinions would be disregarded as coming from some place of idiocy. She is still the same, only worse, as she is now much older. My ex-husband was the same throughout our marriage, as acceptance came from agreeing with him even when what he was doing proved unwise. He could manipulate with words very easily. Today I am very reluctant to give an opinion. I have quite astute intuition and usually can size up a situation incredibly well, but am always told that I am wrong and how could I possible know such things. I do! I have suffered from depression and have taken anti-depressant for the first time in my life since early summer, and have been verbally and emotionally abused by the very people that should be the my biggest supports. And still no one understands why I get upset.
Oh Lesley
You made it all worthwhile that this means something to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Yes, agreed great post from one who knows. I grew up in a family who always made me wrong. My mother was and remains a malignant narcissist who takes no responsibility for anything, also a victim/martyr who believes I am responsible for all that is wrong in her life. This is a multi-millionaire who is miserable despite all she has! Although the relationship with her and my stepfather nearly killed me, I went back for many years hoping I would get the love I deserved and needed. I just got more scapegoated. Seven years ago I walked away and it was and is the best thing I have done. Sad, but no regrets. Although I am vulnerable, I am also incredibly strong and thank God for all these experiences. I am no victim, but victorious!
Aww Bless you, Simon. That is a great testimony to your grit!
You know Ami … I am with you since the beginning.
keep going….Great work.
Everything depends on the amount of gristle a person has. Only Jesus Christ can give
a person sufficent mettle to live the life you advocate.
YES, good point, once again, Lon
There are some people like naughty children that want to push limits that have to be
brought back in line. It’s a game they play. Usually, it stems from not recieving
adaquite parenting. They get panicky and behave difficultly so their “Mama” (spouse)
will scold them and calm them down. My father is like that. My mother is gone now,
and I’m at a loss to know what to do!
So, does your dad live with you or near you?
I think that one has to DO IT, as the Nike ad says. Force yourself to be yourself even if you know the whole room will not like you. It will be horrible at first. Then, it will get easier. As you lose friends, you will gain more. These will love you for who you are, not who you think you should be. This is an outline of something which is a mountain. I have expressed it as a hill. It is all I can do, as I am trying to climb it right alongside of you.—Amiann
You gave me a warm feeling, all I can do it smile because I dont know how to put what you have made me feel into words. 🙂
Thank you, Amelia, so very much. You give me courage to do it again! 😀
I live WITH my father and let me tell you, I feel like the manager of a sewage treatment
plant with all the inflow of filth, and NONE of the ability to treat the filth.
Can one human being whine and complain more then he?
WOW I know this does not apply but I always wanted to be in one of the immigrant families where people all live together.
Attitude is EVERYTHING. And Virgo/Virgo has a ROTTEN attitude!
What do you mean Virgo/Virgo, Lon?