I do not shy away from tough topics because most people do. In this politically correct world, truth is the new hate speech. To me, truth is love. Love is what we all need, just as a flower needs water. In that spirit, I will try to address this topic. Many men lament that woman want the bad boys and leave the nice guys, in the lurch. It can be similar for woman, but different enough that I will leave that topic for another time.
The kind of question a guy would ask would be, “I am nice. I have a good job and good prospects. I will treat her well. I won’t abuse her. I will treat her with respect. I will honor her. I will take her to nice places. Why does she go with the bad dude, with no prospects, who treats her like garbage?” I will attempt to answer this question from my life experience, my intuition and my experiences as a counselor and an astrologer.
The most basic answer is that human nature is what it is. Egghead psychologists like to try to exalt it. Sociologists do the same. Philosophers wax exotic on the beauties of human nature, and there are beauties, but there are, also, uglies. In the dating world, you must accept the uglies or you will not get to first base. Don’t get mad at me. I didn’t make the rules. For some signs, game comes easily. That would be Mars in Scorpio. The reason game comes easily to him is that he is a “feeler”. He does not need to ask questions like this because he has figured them out, from his gut. Remember that Pluto is the primal tiger, roaming the veld, stalking it’s prey. How well would he get his prey of he threw himself out there and said, “HI, I want you for dinner” He needs tactics. He needs to understand the dynamics of power( as they are always there, in all human relationships) For the person who cannot figure out the dynamics of power, he will be alone on Saturday night.
In this article, I want to address the question, in as practical a way as possible. The rules behind human nature are not that difficult, but they are ugly. No one really wants to face ugly, so they run to high mountain tops and pontificate on the state of the world, while the feelers get what they want. So, I will go step by step, in a practical way, to try to deal with this subject.
1. People want what is hard to get
This is human nature. If something comes too easily, people don’t value it. Hence, if you come to easily, people won’t value you.
2. People want what other people have.
If you seem like no one wants you( just being brutally honest, here), people will think there is something wrong with you and won’t want you, either.
3. People want someone who is confident.
If you are not( which most people are not) you have to fake it
4. People want someone who can see beyond their superficial layer to their core
People want to be known. If you are very superficial, you will lose the interest of others, fast. If you are beautiful, men( or woman) will keep you around for your beauty, for a period of time, but beauty without substance gets ugly, and this kind of relationship does not last, or if it does, it is unhappy.
5. People want someone who is interesting
Being interesting means being authentic. When someone is authentic, people pick it up and you have an interest to others.
6. People want someone who is not desperate.
If you feel desperate( and most of us do), don’t show it. Find something that builds you up and force yourself to act with confidence, even if it is a total act. Learning to fake confidence can be the first step to actually getting it, as you will see the good outcomes and get real confidence, in the process.
7. Act like you can take her or leave her
This will increase her interest in you, to a great extent.
8. Be polite, but be mysterious
Don’t let all your inner workings hang out, right away. Let her work to get to know you. Again, people want what they have to work for.
9. Act as if you have a full schedule, even if you don’t. Act as if she is lucky to jump on your train, as it is going somewhere, even if you don’t believe it is.
10. I came back to add another one. Do not ask a girl if you can kiss her. If you cannot feel out the situation, enough to know the answer, intuitively, you need to focus on how to do that. Find someone to help, like a platonic girl you trust or someone like me, who has an objective view of things. Sometimes, if you ask the girl if you can kiss her, that one act alone will eliminate you as a potential boyfriend. Women like the alpha males. If you don’t feel like an alpha male, you have to learn how to fake it, as that is one of the things the bad boys have–that alpha male confidence.
11. For all the men who are despairing, when you read this, and I have talked to a few, woman are in the same boat. If a woman is “totally honest”, no man is going to want her, either. There is a real life perspective, one must have. It is because it is a fallen world, as the Bible would say. People have apart of them which is bad. We all do. That came in as a result of the fall, but that is another story that I have addressed in other articles. For now, one must make the best of what is. There is a place for love, tenderness and gentleness, but one must know when to wield power, for the purposes of one’s own safety and for a position of respect in human relationships.
12. This is the most important. You have inherent value because God made you. No man can take that away. It is yours. Once you find that, you won’t need this article or any other.
The best game to have is to know that God loves you and you are worth multitudes. Then, you don
All true, the other thing to be added is “nice guys” just do not work hard enough on themselves to create attraction in women. Those qualities are all fine, however to separate from the pack you also have to well..do things other people are just not willing to put the effort into doing.
Like..listening to other people instead of crouching in an imagined “nice guy” world as if they are owed attention..world doesn’t work like that, but doubt they would leave their heads long enough to see it.
Great comment, Padre!
I like the article very much…and it is sad that games are the only way to get to someone! I guess thats why its always been said you have to “win” the heart of another…indicating we are playing in a game against the others and of course the objective is strut your stuff in a way to get her attention, pretend you dont care if she notices and then do just the right amount of throwing crumbs to keep her wanting you without feeling like she has you…until you finally decide youve tortured her enough that she will be appreciate you instead of disregard you as nobody special….
I have to say that in any other relationship this would be considered abusive and wrong…can you imagine a parent doing this to there child? It really says a lot about our culture that we cant lead with our soul, our love and depth and expect to be received with welcoming respect and gratitude!
But, no…we lead with our ego’s and we that’s why our divorce rate is so high…eventually after the “shiny” ego excitement wears off and you need the quiet, calm peaceful stability of the soul to make the relationship true so it can stand the test of time….well, nobody has a clue where to look for that…so, instead the ego jumps in and says “forget this…im bored, im out of here and onto someone who’s ego tricks i haven’t seen yet, so they will be all shiny and new for me”
Its really kind of sad….
Thank you, Gabby. I wasn’t sure how it would hit people.
The game is sad…but your article is AWESOME!!
Oh thank you, Gabby! It is hard to know how it hits others!
I give up.
I wrote this to help you and many others, in the same boat, such as Ab, who had the same question. I used to help my sons get the chicks they wanted, too. I have a lot of experience 😀
I answered you, on my Forum. See what you think? Do you know that my eyes light up, when I see you have come to the Forum? That is because you have a lot to offer!
1. I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know how to find out.
2. I don’t understand this. I don’t covet anyone’s spouse or girlfriend. What are you talking about?
3. I gain confidence from studying and learning about things, from understanding how things work. I don’t understand how my own mind and spirit work, or how anyone else’s work. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t have confidence in things that I do not understand. If I get into a conversation about an unfamiliar topic, I don’t act like I know everything. If anyone asks my opinion or expertise, the first thing I say is that my experience or knowledge of the topic is limited.
4. I don’t know what this means. We can only see what other people show us. Other people can only see what we show them. I don’t know what I should show (or tell).
5. I don’t know how to be interesting.
6. What is desperate? I don’t beg or plead. I don’t call over and over, or send dozens of emails. I send one email, one call. If I don’t get a response, I move on.
7. I don’t know how to act interested and disinterested at the same time.
8. I was born polite. I don’t know how to be mysterious.
9. I don’t know how to act like I have a full schedule.
10. I don’t believe in God. My parents and my friends and family told me to pray, pray, pray and listen for God’s guidance. I never, ever heard anything from God. I got tired of never getting responses. You people say, “look here, and you will find God!” I tried that and I never found him. What else am I supposed to do?
When people make lists of requirements like this, I always do the same thing: I look inside myself and I try to answer as honestly as possible. I ask myself, do I really have that? Can I really do that? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know! Since I don’t know, I must not have it. I’m not good enough. I don’t measure up.
People say, “Be yourself”. I don’t know who I am! I don’t know who or what I am supposed to be. I’m having a hard enough time figuring that out. I HATE myself for this. How can I like myself when I have no idea who I am? How am I supposed to find out? What does it mean to know yourself? What does it mean to be yourself?
And now, you tell us to pretend. You tell us to fake it. You tell us to strut like peacocks, to act like movie stars, to act like everyone wants us, and that eventually, someone really will. I can’t do this. I can’t be myself and be someone else too.
I am nobody. I am nothing. I am wasting other people’s precious oxygen and water and energy. I am a psychological black hole, an emotional sinkhole.
Stop it. You crazy nut. I am crazy about you and you came here, for a reason!!!
BB dear
I will not lie and say you will get better, overnight. It will be one very small step at a time, but I am here and your friend and on your side. We can do this, together. Randall and someone else, who knows who he is, plus my guitar teacher, did that for me.
I’ve considered how I would respond if someone acted toward me in the way described in this post.
1. I will respond to “hard to get” game-playing by ignoring the person and finding something else to do, or finding someone else to talk to. I’m not going to try to “win” someone by doing this, because I would hate it if someone else did this to me.
4. I do not think I am physically attractive, but if I was, and people approached me just because of my appearance, I would think they were shallow. I would ignore and/or avoid them. I’m not going to treat someone else like a sex object, because I would not want to be treated that way.
5. I think that I am boring. I wouldn’t date me.
7. I respond negatively to competition and threats. “Take it or leave it.” Okay, fine. Bye. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. That attitude has no place in a relationship. I’m not going to use this kind of attitude with someone else because I wouldn’t want someone else to use it with me. Is there a pattern here? Huh… maybe I have a Venus and Mars conjunction in the same sign, or something like that.
9. “I have a really full and busy life.” Well, I guess you’re too busy for a relationship. See above.
This really doesn’t have to do with other people, but I’ll say it anyway:
10. I don’t believe in god. What value? Other than trying to be responsible, I don’t think I have done anything worthwhile; I don’t think I have any value. “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”
Why must people resort to games and manipulation?
What is wrong with being genuine and sincere?
What happened to honesty?
I added a few things to my article, to address your questions <3
Yeah, I agree with BB. I want honesty and sincerity. I tried to be that way because I want people to do the same thing to me. So i guess my being blunt doesn’t help joke. But guys still tell me I’m fun and interesting until I figured out they’e boring.
Fake it ’till you make it, that’s my motto.
Well, if someone has a way that is working for them, then that is all that matters
The best game to have is to know that God loves you and you are worth multitudes. Then, you don’t need game
Yes, nobody needs games.